Well the weekend finally happened. The couple is married and off on a new journey and chapter of their lives begins.
my son is going to be fine. I set the boundaries and those boundaries were taken seriously no one chanced my warnings.
me on the other hand well I’m not sure. I am a marine Corps kid…. We are raised you don’t cry and definitely not in public. Tears are not allowed to drop. Your eyes can water but no tears falls….. well folks I’ve been a mess all day I have cried all day on and off and let’s just say my face has been wet. I’m a weak pathetic person. I have never in my entire life cried this much.
I was used as a prank at the wedding I was Ostracized and made to feel like an outsider. I have never thought of treating anyone this way in my entire life and to be used by my own children this way was literally to much for me.
I know it’s because I stood up to my oldest son and I didn’t back down from him. But I can’t explain how awful I feel. My new daughter in law was no better and I learned how she truly feels. I was told to endure or I’d never see my grandchildren. I endured but I won’t be going to see my grandchildren. So I have paid the price.
my tears fall because I know I won’t see my grandchildren because I will not ever let my oldest son back into my life. I will make sure my younger son sees his brother but I will not be there to be treated that way again.
so my tears today are for not only how I was treated but because I had to decided that I do not deserve to be treated that way and I have to let that son go. I have to stand outside and look through the window with him because I deserve better. I pray he will be happy I pray him enough of whatever he needs to make happy always.
so my youngest will be fine but I still lost one fifth of my heart. I can actually feel my soul weeping and screaming from this loss. Who knew our souls could
…………..god I wish I was an alcoholic
