Accessional diary of a dyslexic dom.

I have just completed the second draft of a short story. I have never attempted to write erotic fiction before and quite honestly I do not know if it is good or bad. It might even be consider offensive. I have, on accessions, managed to cause deep offence, without having any idea of the offence until it was pointed out to me (sometimes not even then). I think that is a characteristic of my condition (Aspergers syndrome). 

It might also be. . . Not true to life. Not realistic, just not how things happen. I do not see a place on this site for posting fiction, but I suppose I could just put it as a blog. 

What I would really like is for one person to read it and tell me what they think. BUT, don't know how this could be achieved. It is just short of 6, 000 words so I don't know if it would fit as a message.   

I bought a sofa today. . . Thats all.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I am always making stupid mistakes but this is the worst. So embarrassed, I am not even going to say what I have done (please don't ask, please). I want to. . . Not quite die, but be unaware of being alive for at least a year.

I put this in the Forum, but thought I'd put it in here as well.

I am talking to a lady about a posable long distance / virtual (whatever you call it) relationship. I am a bit confused by what is involved. She is a slave / slut / little etc and seems open to most things (blood and public humiliation are her only stated limits). I am a dominant sadist. I would want her to suffer in varies ways and then tell me about it. But is that how this kind of arrangement works.

Literally any advice, ideas or information would be very much appreciated. However two questions stand out for me, as she will be on her own whirl carrying out my instructions: 1. How to ensure safety? and 2. What can be done by way of after care? Thanks in advance.

Believe it or not I all ways hesitate to write about my low moods. It does not help much and it seems unfair to the people who are kind enough to read it. But, for the moment, that is all I have and it is my blog so. . .

I do not even really have anything to say about my sadness, except that I feel very sad, and old and ill. I am not cold or hungry, or homeless, or in danger. I can not sleep at night and I can not wake up the next day. But that would not be so bad. It is a very safe, middle class kind of sadness, but I can not see anything in the future. I will just get sadder and older and maybe iller.  

I am trolling through a load of work sheets and general stuff (some of it very loosely) related to Autism. Occasionally I find something that I, at least, find funny:

One was on dealing with insomnia. Most of it was fairly standard stuff, like don't drink coffee or eat a big meal in the evening. Apparently however you should wear socks in bed. I have not tried it yet so I will let you know.

Questionnaire about sensory processing challenges. Most of it was stuff like "do you avoid casual touch from others" or "restless or all ways on the go, but write near the end was: "Mouthing or licking objects and people". Sadly not, not recently anyway.

Posted a question on Fetlife yesterday. Wow, some of the people on there are insane. Rude, aggressive, Wow! I mean it's just not necessary, life is hard enough.

Anyone thinking of signing on there, my advice is keep a low profile. some groups are all right but some are insane.

The strange thing is I get very nerves on there. Normally I will stand up to anyone but on there I really want to go and hide under the bed.

For purely blogging and asking questions, I really appreciate this site.

- Fell out with a friend the other day. I realise that I am not exactly coming across as an alpha bull, but feelings really hurt. I can not see us making it up this time (only we had a laugh in between the arguments).

TV and chocolate is all that makes life bearable.

Sick and tired and tired and sick. Went for a walk today but I just felt unwell and took a bus holm, and watched TV.

I have just received the result of my assessment confirming that I have Aspergers syndrome. I more or less know what the result would be and, in a way, it would have been worse if I had been diagnosed as not having it. It actualy answers a lot of questions for me. but still it is a bit of a shock.

The worst thing about Aspergers is that it is like the world is in code and I am constantly trying to brake it. When I was young I just assumed that I was kind of dumb (I also suffer from dyslexia). In the last ten years or so, however, I have started to think of my self as very intelligent. Not super intelligent or anything but quite so, but at the same time there are things that seem simple to other people, that I can make no sense of at all.

I realise that it is, in many ways, a ridiculous question, but does anyone think that someone with my condition could ever make it as a sadistic dominant?