OKay... there is a topic in the Forum about the use of or even the need for a Safe Word. It has made me think about how it has been applied in my own life experience.
As a Domme I am hyper aware of a subs condition. To me that is part of my responsibility. I am also free to let them squirm and beg because I know they have that safe word. Most of the subs I have played with liked being able to plead, beg and cry out "no" and "stop" - it was a form or release for them as well. I know this because it was discussed long before my flogger or quirt was in my hand. Long before we were engaged in play.
My biggest problem arose with a sub who had decided he would never use the word - no matter what. When he shared this with me I told him I could no longer play with him - it was too worrisome for me.
Now how many times have I heard the safe word when I have been with a sub? Zero. Zero times. I think this is because I do pay attention. If there comes a time I do hear that word things will come to a full stop for a discussion of what happened so as not to repeat what happened.
I am a sexual sadist. I do derive pleasure from the pain I inflict. That does not make me a bad person - I have never inflicted pain on someone who didn't desire it. The one very big thing I like about BDSM is the communication. Everything is out and on the table - and if there are surprises they can be dealt with more communication - and a safe word if it is needed.
I lost my husband to cancer last September. He was my #1 sub - and I could read him like a book. That in itself was a gift.
A few years ago I told my husband he could use that word for anything at anytime and I would drop whatever I was doing and we would take care of whatever the problem was. Unconventional - yes, but I thought it was great shorthand.
One day last September he used that word during his cancer treatment. It got an instant response from me and the issue was dealt with immediately. If he had said anything else I would have been trying to figure out how things were on a sliding scale because there was so much going on. When he used that word I knew whatever was going on was urgent and needed to be dealt with right then. Which it was. It is the only time he ever used it.
It made me wonder if we all need a safe word.
