There are times throughout all of our lives where it is necessary to step back and take a break. Have some space to self reflect... The last couple of months, and even more so the last couple of weeks have been a time of very deep self reflecting for me. I have dug deep... Thought about where I am in life... What has brought me here, the people I have met and been involved with, the lessons I have learned and maybe didn't learn until this time of reflection.
I have learned after a very sad time in my life that I am strong enough to pull through, even when I maybe wasn't so sure. For years, I struggled with some form of dependency. When I met someone and formed a strong bond with them, I tended to cling and hold on for dear life. This has its good points. Everyone wants to feel needed. But it has its negative as well. No one wants someone who is too clingy.
Part of the reason my last D/s relationship ended was because of my sense of dependency. I pushed someone I loved very much for a long time into a relationship he wasn't ready for. I wanted to point fingers all day... Reasons why I was feeling hurt and upset and a bit slighted at times, but ultimately I wasn't looking at the bigger picture. You can't make someone want something. You can't force someone into a relationship. I held onto hope for years that this man would feel the same way I did and when I got a little bit of affection... I just wanted more and more. I was deep... Deep into my submission and deep into love. After it all ended, I needed to take a good look at myself.... Where I was weak and where I was strong. Where did I need to improve? Where was I doing well? And I am discovering these things. Because of my self confidence I developed during my time with this man that I fell for, so deeply... Because of what he showed me, I am able to figure it all out.
This blog has been the most emotional blog I think I have ever written. It is not an easy one for me to write, but it is something I want the world to see. My confidence has brought me to a place where I can overcome the pain. I can reflect on my life. I don't have to stay negative. I can be positive. I can learn from my experiences, achievements, and my mistakes.
During this time, I have met a lot of new people. Some people are people who may remain in my life for a while, some may not. Some people in life are meant to be with you a short time, I believe... While others a long time and maybe even forever. To all of those people I have encountered here, thank you... No matter what our interaction, whether it was short term or long... I am thankful for you. Each of you have helped me to learn more about myself and life.
May each day get better and better and may one day, with patience and time I hear those words again... "You are Mine."
Have a wonderful day cage friends
-Ds