Roses are red, Bruises are blue

It was a busy and still perfect weekend. Typically our weekends are spent exploring, dining, and socializing. This weekend was filled with chores, errands, and grown up business. But one thing remained the same; our nights were filled with play.

It was nice having Sir with me during the day to keep me focused, help me juggle my responsibilities, and at one point keep me from full on panic mode (I don’t do well in crowds). And at night I watched the light in his eyes flicker and burn as all traces of my partner disappeared and only my Sir remained.

Friday nights are always more intense, more passionate and demanding. At that point, we’ve been separated for 5 days and the sexual desire and longing has been building with each passing hour. By Friday night I have a hungry ravenous Wolf. His self-control strained and his need to claim and possess barely contained under the surface. As soon as we walk through the front door, the tension in the air becomes palpable and I know it won’t be long, only minutes or seconds, before his impressive form is hovering above me and his bite marks are blooming on my flesh. On these nights, Sir is never satisfied until I’m fighting against my 8th, 9th, or 10th orgasm, half moaning half whimpering, pleading for a reprieve.

Saturday nights are more structured. They typically include ropes or scenes. I crawl and pose like a good girl while Sir ties me up like his perfect marionette doll. Sometimes I’m his rope bunny, sometimes I’m his slave. Sometimes I’m securely tied to the bed or a chair or whatever random thing catches Sir’s eye and sometimes I’m left free and trusted to remain still while Sir tortures me in the most devious and delicious ways. While our toy collection is ever growing, our favorite always remains the simple natural feel of Sir’s leather belt wrapped around his hand and stinging as it licks my skin. When Sir is feeling generous during impact play, he’ll take me to the brink of subspace and then ask if I’ve had enough or if I want him to go harder – although he knows my answer is always harder. I think he just enjoys hearing me say “more please.”

This Saturday night I got to be Sir’s rope kitten. I got to prance around in my ears and tail, sit like a good patient little kitten while he tied me up in positions that only a masochist like me would enjoy, and then give me all the pets and praises before using me like his favorite play thing. As always, I was left exhausted, satisfied, and gazing at Sir with googly heart eyes. 

=^.^=

As we all know, every dynamic is different. Even if you carry the same titles as those in another relationship, there are things that will be acceptable for one couple and not the other, and vise versa.

One example of this is the DDlg side of Sir's and my relationship. 

While most subs in DDlg dynamics call their male Doms "Daddy," I always refer to Sir as "Sir," even when I'm feeling little.

Some littles are little ALL of the time and some have designated little space time. For me it's more of an overlapping and intertwining of all the sides. Sure, there are times that Sir sets aside a morning or afternoon for me to be little and focus on that part of myself. But more often than not, I'm just Sir's submissive who happens to have little tendencies.

For us that looks like lots of things. I might be naked and covered in bite marks while Sir ties me to a stool with rope and I start humming Hakuna Matata. I might be in a professional day dress and heels with my collar tightly fastened as I jump over sidewalk cracks (to avoid breaking my Mama's back). I might be coming down from the high of an intense M/s play session, ankles tied to the corners of the bed, with welts forming from the sting of the belt, and snuggling my prized Pandicorn stuffie.

One little quality that I don't really possess is brattiness. I have no negative feelings towards brats or brat tamers, it just isn't a part of our dynamic. The slave side of my submission is stronger than the little side in that regard. I am quick to obey and always eager to please. The idea of sassing my Sir or defying him (even playfully) makes my tummy hurt. And Sir would not think it was cute.

However, one part of my little side that many Doms would probably find annoying but my Sir finds adorable and endearing is my obssessive neediness. I want all of Sir's attention, all of the time. I need constant affirmations to feel content. I wish it weren't so, but alas. I'm never rude or bratty when Sir is busy and unable to fawn over me all day (stupid work!), but my mood and feelings are heavily swayed by the amount of time we've spent together or communicating in a day. I'm also not shy about saying "HEY LOOK ME AT, LOVE ME, PET ME, PLAY WITH ME!"

If there are any littles/middles out there who are looking for more little/middle friends, feel free to message me. I want to hear all about what being little looks like for you.

=^.^=

I’m in the mood for something deliciously bad. Normally girls my age go out and find random guys to make their bad decisions with but that has never been me. I think there’s something really pedestrian about the kind of fun they seek out. It’s not an issue of morality, it’s more… an aesthetic thing I guess. I don’t want their boring, common ways of being bad. I want ways that rattle me to my bones and send me to my knees in repentance. I want to be the kind of bad that leaves me wrung out with bite marks blooming purple all over my body. I want to go to the brink of not knowing myself, Sir taking me there and holding me by the neck and making me stare at an entire reckless realm of possibility.

I mean, what’s the point of sex if you don’t feel like every dark crevice of your soul has been exposed to the light? If someone doesn’t take your lust and your shameful thoughts, and twist them into a spell that leaves you panting for more?

I found that for myself. I have a normal life too – friends, a career, my own house, and I get to make some of my own decisions - but whenever I think about Sir, about what sex with him is like, I don’t ever imagine slow romantic movie scenes or riding it out reverse cowgirl style. I think about the feeling of my veins being sliced open by the sheer desire of the One who owns me, I think about pain and pleasure – so intertwined that I can no longer tell one from the other. I think about being handled and cherished, used and worshiped. I think about my shattered lifeless body sprawled out across his mattress with sweat gliding down between my breasts and cum sticking to my inner thighs.

In the daylight I may prefer to stand, but at night… oh at night I prefer to crawl.

=^.^=

Towards the beginning of our courtship, my Sir asked me, What are some of your fantasies?

My reply - My “fantasies” range from mundane and romantic to completely depraved. In my day to day moment to moment life I dream of a loving, affectionate, and protective Sir who I can unabashedly adore; a best friend who I can respect and learn from; a lover who can make me ache with need with just a look. I imagine my hand in his as we walk the lake. I imagine his confident smirk when he orders my favorite dessert despite my protests. I imagine his hands in my hair when he kisses me both demanding and possessive, but also passionately and full of love.

And at night when it’s dark and quiet my mind plays out scenarios in which I kneel, facing my Sir in a black lace bra and pantie set, head bowed, as still as possible. My Sir sits in his favorite chair, shirt collar unbuttoned, a crystal glass of amber liquid dangling from the hand that rests idly on his knee. His form imposing, like a God on his throne. When he finally speaks, “Crawl to me, kitten” his voice seems loud, a startling contrast to the silence. I crawl without hesitation, eager to be closer to him, to feel his hands on me. When I reach his feet, he touches his index finger to my chin, a sign that I may look at him. When our eyes meet, it is not my partner I see, but my Sir. “Safe word?” he asks; a sign that things are about to get uncomfortable. “Cherry” I reply, my voice quivering with both fear and excitement…

Never, not even when I wrote this response, did I think that I would have this. That this dynamic actually existed. I had no idea that every thing I ever wanted, and what I didn't even realize I needed, was on the other side of my computer screen. He's my dark knight. The hero and the villain. He melts my heart and he makes my thighs quiver. I will never ever want for another. 

=^.^=

Sir and I are blessed to be able to see each other every weekend despite our approximate 700 miles of separation. The downside of this weekly schedule is saying goodbye every single week. It’s not just the “oh my God I’ll miss you so much” kind of hard, it’s the psychological havoc that it brings about.

Being in a monogamous 24/7 D/s relationship (a combination of M/s and DDlg dynamics) brings a connection so profound that when we’re physically together it becomes a life-force. He is my sole focus. He is the center of everything. He speaks, I listen. He asks, I answer. He orders, I do. He leads, I follow. I live and breathe him. My eyes always seeking him out, my body instinctively drawing nearer to him. I get to live in my euphoric submissive bubble for 48 hours; no decisions of my own, no want or need going unfulfilled, no loneliness or lack of purpose, no worries or stress. I am just blissfully his. Owned, pampered, used, adored, hurt and healed.

Then Sunday night comes and it’s time to say goodbye, time to venture out into the great big scary world all alone for 5 days where I'll have to make some of my own choices, make sure my own needs are met, remember things on my own, go places by myself... It requires me to meticulously and painstakingly adjust an internal dial an exact degree. To turn off the little, turn off the slave, but somehow still maintain the submissive. Sever the life-force but still remain connected. It becomes increasingly more difficult each time. Each time we say goodbye I fear the plausible reality in which I scream and cry and bang on his chest, fall to my knees and cling to his leg only to be removed by physical force, or worst of all the possibility that rather than turn the dial, I decide to flick the switch completely and just turn it all off. When that last scenario plays out in my head; its both a nightmare and occasionally a guilty longing. It would be a lie to say that the temptation to turn it off, to feel nothing, doesn’t sometimes have its allure.

So each week as the feelings of loneliness and painful longing, confusion and fear, begin to rise up as my Owner regretfully walks away and I struggle with the dial, I ask myself ‘Is it worth it?’ and every single week the answer is a resounding yes. Always yes. The struggle to find a balance, the sacrifice of time, the lonely nights, the hard choices, the grown-up responsibility, the obsessive worry, and the undesired independence are worth it. They’re the price of maintaining a long-distance D/s relationship. They’re the price for choosing us, for choosing to be his. And there isn’t a price I wouldn’t pay to be his.

=^.^=

I’m sitting in the airport waiting ever so patiently (heh) on my flight ✈️. It’s Friday which means I get to see Sir today! I’m in the pink summer dress Sir picked out for me, hair up 👱🏼‍♀️as requested, flats on 🥿 and my collar in place. Nothing makes me feel prettier than knowing I’m dressed and polished exactly as my Sir desires. 

This is going to be a super fun weekend. Sir is taking me to get a new stuffie 🧸 because I forgot my most favorite stuffie at home 😭 and then to a littles play date with a friend 👭. It’s our first play date and I think we’re going to have a blasty blast. I brought Twister and bottle pops 🍬 and matching bracelets and we’re going to make paper lanterns🏮 or glitter jars (or maybe both). 

Then Sir is taking me to dinner 🍽 and we’re all going to the local BDSM club after for an event. I get to be everything for Sir in one day; his little 👧🏻, his lover, and his slave. It makes my submissive heart 🖤 so happy to fulfill all of my roles. 

Then of course comes play time 🔪🕯😻👄⛓

I’m a very lucky kitten.

=^.^=

Sir to kitten Feb 16, 2019 9:56 AM

The next work trip on the schedule is to Colorado.

Sir to kitten Jun 26, 2019 8:20 PM

Right now my kitten is on her way to me. She has taken time off work and is getting on a plane to fly across the country and spend time with me in Colorado. I don’t know if I have told you how much that means to me kitten. You didn’t have to do any of that and you chose to anyways. I am so grateful to get to see some of the world with you this year and even more excited for the years to come.

My kitten has requested some high protocol this weekend. I am very excited to give that to you.

Colorado June 27 - 30

kitten to Sir Jul 8, 2019 12:56 PM

Colorado was amazing. It was beautiful and fun. I had a great time meeting ____ and _____. _____ made me laugh and it's always nice to be able to put faces to names.

I enjoyed crawling around for you in our Airbnb. I enjoyed the food and trying the local beers. I loved our hike and exploring the cave. It was just all around a wonderful trip.

Sir to kitten Jul 8, 2019 4:39 PM

Colorado was wonderful kitten. I got to enjoy time with my incredible kitten, introduce her to some important people in my life, and travel and see things with her. We played a good bit, got to see and taste some of CO. I know my kitten isn’t a huge beer drinker so thank you for putting up with my brewery tour there.

The CO play was wonderful. It is an incredible feeling to have you kneeling beside me kitten. I can’t tell you how much you and your submission means to me. Colorado all around was a wonderful trip kitten, it is going to make every subsequent trip you’re not on a lot less enjoyable.

___________________________________________

High Protocol Rules:

1.            kitten wears her sub/slave collar at all times

2.            Overuse of “Sir” and other honorifics

3.            Standing/walking only permitted upon request and consent

4.            kitten walks, sits, crawls, kneels to Sir’s right

5.            kitten waits for Sir in the Nadu position when told to “kneel and wait”

6.            kitten is not permitted to touch any door knob or handle

7.            kitten must be excused from the bed/room before leaving for any reason

8.            kitten’s eyes remain downcast unless directed by word or implication to make eye contact with Sir

9.            kitten must always ask and receive permission before cumming

10.         All orders are to be followed without hesitancy

11.         kitten must ask and receive permission before checking her phone or laptop, or taking any initiative outside of her role as slave

12.         All standard daily/weekly rules, routines, and protocols remain enforced

=^.^=

I crawl beneath his arms as he's cutting vegetables at the kitchen counter and stand up between them facing him. He chuckles. "Careful, kitten, I don't want you to get hurt," he says as he starts to set the knife down.

Without thinking I reach out and place my hand over his, before the knife reaches the counter. "You don't?" I ask with a mischievous lilt to my voice. "I'm pretty sure it was just this morning that you were ogling the purple bite marks you left on my thighs last night," I say as I raise his hand and place the tip of the knife against my collar bone, along the seam of my V-neck shirt. I let my hand drop away as his remains.

He smirks. “Your bruises will fade in just a few days kitty cat; stitches on the other hand, leave scars.” But even as the words leave his mouth he slowly drags the tip of the blade lower along the neckline of my shirt until he reaches the curve of my breast, stopping periodically only to press the tip of the knife a little harder, just shy of piercing the skin. I watch his face as his eyes watch the knife’s decent. I whimper at the sudden fire I see reflecting in them and I shiver as the blade cuts into the fabric of my shirt refusing to accept any barrier as it continues its downward path.

“Would you bleed for me kitten?” he asks, eyes trained on where the blade presses into my skin. My answer requires no thought, “I’d give you every last drop if you asked.” Now at the top of my left hip bone, the knife stops. He looks into my eyes, “Is that what you want silly girl, a permanent reminder of who owns you?” Too scared to say the words, but also unable to deny it, I lean a fraction of an inch closer. The slight movement is the only answer he needs as a tiny bead of red appears and trickles down my hip and along the front of my thigh. He groans and drops the knife as his other hand circles my neck and his mouth claims mine.

=^.^=

kitten to Sir Feb 28, 2019 5:45 PM

I’m excited to plan our next trip. One thing I enjoy about our long distance relationship is the kick in the *** that it gives me to go out and do things I’ve been saying I want to do, but just haven’t. Like the zoo. All this time I was so close to the pandas and I just never went. I’ve wanted to visit Savannah, Panama City, Devil’s Den, and Tallulah Falls for a while as well, so they can be on our list of destinations.

Sir to kitten Mar 8, 2019 6:51 AM

I am very full of thoughts and feelings right now for you Kitten. I want to try to tell you how much I’ve missed you, or how much our visits mean to me, or how much I love you but I will be seeing you soon and I will be able to tell you everything in person.

kitten to Sir Mar 8, 2019 3:08 PM

I sit here eating my extremely delicious and unhealthy lunch and I can’t keep the massive ridiculous smile off my face because I’ll be seeing you within the hour. It’s difficult to eat at a normal pace knowing that when I get back in my car, I’ll soon after be getting out and stepping into your arms.

Panama City Mar 8-10 (Sir collars kitten)

Sir to kitten Mar 11, 2019 12:47 AM

This weekend meant a lot to me. More than I can possibly say. I knew from very early on when I met you that this wasn’t going to be anything I had ever encountered before. Our chemistry mixed so well it lit my heart on fire and what started as an ember rapidly grew into a blaze that has enveloped every single part of me. There’s no way I could ever come out of it the same. I knew that I wanted to have you long before yesterday kitten. I suspect as well that you knew you wanted to be mine. I say this cutely but I don’t think either one of us tried to hide this from the other one.

kitten to Sir Mar 11, 2019 5:30 PM

I was more certain of this than anything ever before. From the moment of our first kiss I envisioned our life with perfect clarity and I never wanted anything more.

Sir to kitten Mar 15, 2019 12:02 PM

You said to me this morning that you are feeling the weight of your collar and that you are feeling owned today.

I don’t think you can possibly have any idea how much this statement means to me. Having collared you is the single most important thing I have ever done. It means the world to me. The weight of having committed to you and formally claimed you is not lost on me in the slightest.

Placing a permanent collar on a submissive is the most intense or intimate thing I think you can do. I will have a lot of meaningful moments in my life with you but I don’t think any will be able to compete with your accepting my collar, and my placing it on you. You’ve already given me everything I could ever want. You’ve given me you. Seeing that expression of our commitment and the symbol of our relationship and dynamic sitting on your wrist every day fills me with love, pride, adoration, lust, and much more. It’s everything to me as are you, the two are intertwined.

Sir to kitten May 1, 2019 10:49 AM

My eyes keep wandering to your collar. I keep thinking about how lucky I am. Remembering laying on the beach, you reading me your promises and your needs, you kneeling for me, you saying yes, and taking my collar. -heavy sigh-

=^.^=

I wish there were words to describe how I see him. I often say “he’s everything” but that statement doesn’t fully enunciate the depth of my adoration for him.

He’s my guardian, my brave protector.

He’s my owner, my cherished keeper.

He’s my best friend, my most trusted ally.

He’s my guide, my most respected adviser.

He’s my sovereign, my most revered authority.

He’s the answer to my every question, the light at the end of every dark tunnel.

He’s warmth and light, and darkness and delicious fear.

He’s my lover, the source of my pain and pleasure and my every desire.

He’s my voice of reason, the logic in my insanity.

He’s the quiet in my chaos, the calm in my confusion.

He’s my home, my safe place.

When he’s in a room, he’s all I see.

His voice quiets my fears and his touch eases my anxiety.

He gives me structure and direction and purpose.

I need him.

=^.^=