Roses are red, Bruises are blue

About a month ago I started feeling extra lonely when Sir and I were apart. I’d talked to Sir about getting a pet. By “talked” I mean I texted him tons and tons of pictures of animals (hamsters, puppies, kittens, bunnies, hedgehogs, sugar gliders, pygmy marmosets) with captions like “I want all of the squishy faces!”

He thought about it for a while and ultimately decided that having something for me to focus on and cuddle with while we were apart was not a bad idea. We decided that a kitten was probably the most sustainable based on our travel schedules and my job. Cats are pretty self-sufficient if you keep food and water dispensers and a clean litter box. Plus, a kitten for Sir’s kitten? That just seems like kismet.

I scoured Craigslist and social media and talked to friends and it didn’t take me long to stumble upon this little guy; Archibald aka "Archie".

He was less than 10 weeks old the day we picked him up and he’s 12 ½ weeks now. I’m not sure if it was fate or if I imposed my will upon this fur ball, but I ended up with the cutest, most playful, and most codependent kitten in the history of the universe. Basically, he’s a tiny me. Poor Sir now has two tiny kittens keeping him awake at night and crying every time he leaves the room (hehe).

=^.^=

kitten to Sir Jan 31, 2019 1:41 PM

If you could go anywhere inside the continental U.S where would you go?

Sir to kitten Jan 31, 2019 5:31 PM

If I could go anywhere in the U.S. I would go to Florida and spend some time with the only person on the planet I want to be with right now.

Same question for you?

kitten to Sir Jan 31, 2019 8:19 PM

If you hadn’t already stolen my heart, that answer would have sealed the deal.

I’d probably stop in Atlanta first to see the Pandas

Sir to kitten Jan 31, 2019 9:28 PM

Atlanta’s Pandas are definitely first on the list of things we have to do in our potential travels. I am more than happy to plan Sir and kitten’s adventures for us.

Sir to kitten Jan 31, 2019 9:54 PM

When did your love of pandas start and where did it come from?

kitten to Sir Feb 1, 2019 10:53 AM

I’m not really sure. It started sometime in early adulthood. I saw some cute panda videos and couldn’t stop squee-ing and replaying them; and it just grew from there.

Sir to kitten Feb 1, 2019 3:28 PM

First, I can’t wait to hear you squee. Second, that’s cute as heck miss!

Sir to kitten Feb 4, 2019 10:26 PM

If you had one day left to live, how would you spend it?

kitten to Sir Feb 5, 2019 12:10 AM

I'd spend my last day with you of course. I'd call my Mom and my cousins to say a heart felt goodbye, while on our way to the Atlanta Zoo. I'd ooh and ahh over the pandas for an hour or so. Then we'd lay a blanket by a creek and talk and laugh until sunset. Then you'd make love to me and hold me until we fell asleep under the stars. That sounds like a perfect last day to me.

Sir to kitten Feb 5, 2019 2:58 PM

As far as days go that does sound like a perfect one. We need to see some pandas!

kitten to Sir Feb 11, 2019 10:17 AM

I’m watching the live Panda Cam for the zoo and I have to warn you that you may have a hard time keeping me from climbing down into the pin. Also, do you think I can fit bamboo shoots discreetly into my pocket? I mean, I guess I could put them in a backpack; even if they search it at the entrance they can’t prove that it’s not for me. Maybe I really like bamboo, it seems like a healthy snack. I’ll pack ranch dip too, so it seems more legit.

Sir to kitten Feb 11, 2019 11:58 AM

Your random cuteness makes me really happy. Way too happy.

Atlanta Feb 23, 2019

=^.^=

Email reply from Sir to kitten - January 30, 2019

This part of your letter has been on my mind all day

“Our connection is strange and backwards to anything else I’ve ever experienced. Usually I meet someone and within an hour (usually much less) I can tell if there’s a surface level spark. If there is, I try and spend more time with that person, usually sporadic and over the course of several weeks. The more often we see each other, the more we begin to open up and talk about things deeper than the weather. Usually its months and months into the blooming relationship before we finally delve into the depths of who we are as people, discovering what makes each other tick. That’s when you really discover if the spark is just surface level or something sustainable.

With you, it’s quite the opposite. Within a day or two of simple greetings, we delved right into the deep stuff. I’ve told you things I haven’t even told my closest friends. I’ve absorbed your every word like a sponge and I constantly thirst for me. I can’t get enough of you. I can’t wait days or weeks, I want, I need now. After just one week I know that I could happily swim around in your depths and make myself a home there… we just have to wait to see if that first hour spark exists." 

Our connection is very different. It’s not very old but already feels so strong. I feel just as content learning about you and living in the depth of your words. It was hard to decide what else I wanted to say about it but I have settled for now on this. No matter what I am grateful for having met you, and I am very hopeful that we find that spark.

______________________

Backstory; Sir and I met on The Cage in January. I was a new member who’d jumped right into posting on forums and making my presence known. This had my inbox overflowing with messages from potential ‘Doms’. I had quickly become jaded and almost cringed when I’d see a new message notification. So many creepy, arrogant, and just plain odd messages that I’d started to think maybe The Cage wasn’t the place for me. Then I got a message with the subject line “good morning miss”. When I opened it up, I found a sweet, well written, simple and thoughtful message. This earned a reluctant smile from my skeptical lips. For the first time in a while, I decided to respond. His reply was quick, sweet, playful, and encouraged actual conversation in a way that flowed naturally.

Fast forward a week and about 150 messages later and I received the email above. Sir had decided that 600+ miles was not enough to keep him from taking me on a date. We just had to know if this connection we felt was real. He’d booked a flight and gotten himself a hotel room, all with the intention of just taking me for a cup of coffee. A cup of coffee turned into two days together and a feeling of such clear and unexplainable rightness that I knew my life had changed forever.

Our story taught me that there is no right way, no wrong way, no forwards or backwards, no timelines or deadlines when it comes to falling in love. When you meet your match, when you find your One, you just know. Maybe it’s a lightning strike or maybe it’s a slow descent. Love doesn’t come with a handbook and it isn’t black and white. Love is bold and subtle, it’s unexpected and yet obvious, it’s passionate but comfortable, it’s unpredictable and still reliable.

Write your own story. Be bold, take chances, and don’t let anyone tell you what you feel or how your story should look. For every rule, there’s an exception. So don’t give up and don’t back down. Trust yourself, because when you know, you KNOW.

=^.^=

It’s Sunday night which means I had to say goodbye to Sir at the airport a couple hours ago. He held me close and promised that I’d be ok. Although I try really hard to be brave and show him how strong I can be, he sees past my pathetic attempt at a smile. He knows the difference in the downcast eyes of his slave and the downcast eyes of his little kitten who doesn’t want him to see her pain.

Every Sunday night is the same paradox; I shatter into pieces without my One here to hold me, and my One is the only one capable of putting a broken kitten back together. He’s the source of my purest joy and at times my deepest despair. To someone in the vanilla world this would seem an over dramatic statement. Its only 5 days apart for Pete’s sake. Many couples in long distance relationships go weeks or even months without seeing each other. But anyone who has ever given their heart, mind, body, trust, and free will over to another can understand how even a single day without their Owner is chaos, confusion, and agony. Think about it; a sub’s need for her Owner is so great that she’s willing to crawl on hands and knees, beg and plead, be degraded and humiliated, to be a pet, a toy, a slave, to give up her choices and her own free will just to have her Dom’s love and devotion. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing these things for my Sir. It brings me happiness to humble myself at his feet. My point is simply, these aren’t acts of want, these are acts of NEED. I need him.

So I’ll spend the next 5 days floating aimlessly out in the sea until my Sir comes to rescue me once again. It’s a vicious and maddening cycle. One I’d repeat for all of eternity if there were no other choice. Luckily my Sir has plans to come home one weekend in early 2020 and never have to leave again. He’s already taken great strides into making this happen and I can’t even begin to articulate how grateful I am for his sacrifices. If you ask him, he’d say there isn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for me, and I know this to be true.

In the days between our visits I am both reinvigorated and tormented by flashes of memories from each passing weekend. This week I’ll remember my cheek on Sir’s thigh as I knelt at his feet and he stroked my hair, the sting of the leather belt and his voice calling me his “perfect little belt slut”, his arms around me and my stuffies as we all cuddled up on the couch, my face pressed against the shower wall and Sir’s hips slamming into my ass cheeks, the look of love and pride on Sir’s face when I set his breakfast on the table, his deep chuckle as I sang aloud in the movie theater to The Lion King songs, his patient concentration as he tied my hands and wrists as I knelt before him in the prayer position, and most vividly I’ll remember the hungry prowl of my ravenous Wolf as his approached his prey.

Only 4 day 21 hours 22 minutes to go.

=^.^=

Let the Friday countdown begin! Only 6 more hours until I’m in Sir’s arms again! (honestly my countdown starts on Sunday evenings when we’re saying goodbye – as in I literally keep a timer on my phone so I can watch every single second pass by until it’s Friday night again).  

As a submissive in a fully committed 24/7 D/s long distance relationship, I often feel like I’m wishing most of my life away. From Monday through Friday, I’m just surviving, just putting one foot in front of the other and counting the seconds until Friday night comes and I’m back where I belong, at Sir’s feet. Then I get to spend 48 glorious hours in intense, passionate, joyous, subspace before I’m ripped away from my Owner to start the 5 days of survival all over again.

I try to find some moment of real happiness in each and every day. To find a reason to smile, to find a reason to laugh. But without my Sir with me, it’s almost impossible. I feel like only half of a person. I’m like the toys in Toy Story without their kids/owners. I need my owner. I need to be loved and played with. I need him to be whole. And when you aren’t whole, you aren’t really living.

It’s like these lyrics:

Some days you just breath in
Just try to break even
Sometimes your heart's pounding out of your chest
Sometimes it's just beating

But enough of that, because today I get to LIVE! Today my Sir comes home to me.

Friday brings about one of my favorite routines. Every Friday Sir chooses my dress, shoes, bra and panties (or lack thereof), and hair style. I’m always dressed to his specifications when we meet at the airport. I love the look in his eyes when he sees me; a mixture of love, hunger, and pride. It’s the perfect balm for my needy submissive soul after 5 days apart. He scoops me into his arms and holds me like a man who’s coming home from war. He kisses me with passion and possession and he whispers sweet words in my ear. In these moments he’s my lover and I am his. He’s my owner, my best friend, my whole entire world.

The drive home is usually filled with recounts of our days and our travel and the plans for our weekend. Sometimes we play. Sir tells me to remove my panties and he tortures me, one hand on the steering wheel and one hand driving me over the edge. Sometimes Sir lets me taste him, to do my very best to distract him from the long drive home. And when we get home, he becomes the Wolf and I am his prey. He is my Alpha, my Master, and I am his kitten, his toy, his favorite play thing. He uses me, worships my body, and hurts me in all of the best ways.

When he tucks me in with my most favorite stuffie, I’m covered in welts and bite marks, exhausted from numerous orgasms, and smiling so contently, so at peace and he whispers his final command, “go to sleep, kitten”

=^.^=

On February 23rd, Sir and I sat on the floor of our hotel shower with the water raining down on our backs. We’d just finished a very long play session; our first including sadomasochistic play together (he put clothes pins all over my body and squeezed the hell out of them while he pleasured me in various ways – oh the memories *breaks out in goose bumps*). I sat between his legs with my back to his chest. His hands were on my thighs and his chin was on my shoulder. We were talking about our childhoods and our past relationships and the things that have molded us and made us who we are today. He asked me the question that we’ve all asked ourselves at some point or another. Why do you choose this role? What person or event made you want to be a submissive in a D/s relationship?

I had pondered this when I first started to realize my “unusual” wants and needs; when I discovered the taboo world of BDSM and realized this community felt comfortable to me. I was luckier than some are, because my answer came easily; I need a relationship where the man tells me exactly what he needs me to do to make him happy. I’ll do it; anything, whatever it is. And I need him to be genuinely pleased when I do.

Basically I have the stereotypical Daddy issues. A biological father who cares so much about his next high that he never bothered to know his children. A step father who never showed affection and regardless of what you did, he didn’t seem to even notice you were there. A second sadistic step father who’s only pleasure was his step daughter’s tears. And an ex-husband who chose work and hobbies over his family and never wanted to come home.

The relationships (or lack thereof) with these men built the version of the woman I am today. A woman who just wants to be loved. A woman who craves her man’s attention. A woman who needs her man to tell her she’s good, and smart, and pretty. A woman who just wants to please.

I asked Sir the same question in return. His answer was also fairly textbook, but it’s his story to share so I won’t do that here.

Who or what made you into a Dom or sub? Do you know? Were you just born that way or were you molded into this version of yourself?

=^.^=

Here it is. Another blog by another sub in another long-distance relationship. Yayy! I’m sure you’re super excited to read it.

I’ve gone back and forth with myself for several months now on whether I should start my own blog here or not. I read so many others and I post quite a bit in the forum section, but I wasn’t bold enough to make the commitment to tell my own story and share my own thoughts. Like so many others I wondered what I could have to offer that isn’t already being offered by someone else. I questioned if my own experiences and thoughts would be interesting or have any value.

But recently I realized this blog isn’t for everyone else, it’s for me. I enjoy writing. I enjoy the clarity that often comes when I begin putting my thoughts and fears into words. I enjoy the feeling of camaraderie that comes from sharing experiences with others (and reading about theirs). I enjoy constructive feedback and silly banter.

So here I sit, with my fingers flying across the keyboard faster than I can form coherent thoughts. Where to start? A little bit about myself I suppose…

I’m Sir’s kitten. I’d prefer if everyone used my acronym AKFS or KFS rather than call me kitten. Sir has pretty strong feelings about that, which I understand (I get ragey when other subs call him Sir). I’m 30 going on 12. I’m a submissive, a masochist, a little, and a kitten.

I’ve been proudly wearing Sir’s collar for 5 months. He is the center of my universe, my everything. We live 600+ miles apart but we manage to fly to each other almost every weekend. Our relationship is 24/7 D/s but we also have variations of M/s and DDlg in our dynamic as well. We don’t try to put ourselves into any kind of box, we just do what feels authentic to us. I’ll spend lots of time over the next few weeks talking more about the specifics of our dynamic; Sir’s rules, our rituals, the ways we play, and how we balance love and lust and long distance.

I’m not the bratty sort of sub. I like to be a good girl and the idea of being even jokingly defiant makes me cringe. If I were to narrow down my kink to one definition, it would be “pleasing” and I can tell you now, Sir wouldn’t be pleased with a defiant sassy smart mouth. He’s patient and not overly strict and that works for us because I don’t take advantage of that. To be clear though, he’s no pushover. In fact, I was just informed this evening that I have a spanking coming my way when he sees me Friday (oops).

Outside of kink, I’m a bibliophile, a collector of silly mugs, and a career-oriented woman. I’m addicted to coffee and podcasts. I have a new 12 week old kitty cat named Archibald (“Archie”) and he’s an adorable terrorist. I like rainy days in bed and sunny days on or in the water. I love animals and rom coms, stuffies, dancing in the rain, sparkly things and bubble wrap. I’m equally comfortable in evening gowns, lingerie, and over-sized sweatpants. My blessing and my curse is empathy and I believe chocolate chip cookie dough fixes everything.

Until next time,

=^.^=