It’s Sunday night which means I had to say goodbye to Sir at the airport a couple hours ago. He held me close and promised that I’d be ok. Although I try really hard to be brave and show him how strong I can be, he sees past my pathetic attempt at a smile. He knows the difference in the downcast eyes of his slave and the downcast eyes of his little kitten who doesn’t want him to see her pain.
Every Sunday night is the same paradox; I shatter into pieces without my One here to hold me, and my One is the only one capable of putting a broken kitten back together. He’s the source of my purest joy and at times my deepest despair. To someone in the vanilla world this would seem an over dramatic statement. Its only 5 days apart for Pete’s sake. Many couples in long distance relationships go weeks or even months without seeing each other. But anyone who has ever given their heart, mind, body, trust, and free will over to another can understand how even a single day without their Owner is chaos, confusion, and agony. Think about it; a sub’s need for her Owner is so great that she’s willing to crawl on hands and knees, beg and plead, be degraded and humiliated, to be a pet, a toy, a slave, to give up her choices and her own free will just to have her Dom’s love and devotion. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing these things for my Sir. It brings me happiness to humble myself at his feet. My point is simply, these aren’t acts of want, these are acts of NEED. I need him.
So I’ll spend the next 5 days floating aimlessly out in the sea until my Sir comes to rescue me once again. It’s a vicious and maddening cycle. One I’d repeat for all of eternity if there were no other choice. Luckily my Sir has plans to come home one weekend in early 2020 and never have to leave again. He’s already taken great strides into making this happen and I can’t even begin to articulate how grateful I am for his sacrifices. If you ask him, he’d say there isn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for me, and I know this to be true.
In the days between our visits I am both reinvigorated and tormented by flashes of memories from each passing weekend. This week I’ll remember my cheek on Sir’s thigh as I knelt at his feet and he stroked my hair, the sting of the leather belt and his voice calling me his “perfect little belt slut”, his arms around me and my stuffies as we all cuddled up on the couch, my face pressed against the shower wall and Sir’s hips slamming into my ass cheeks, the look of love and pride on Sir’s face when I set his breakfast on the table, his deep chuckle as I sang aloud in the movie theater to The Lion King songs, his patient concentration as he tied my hands and wrists as I knelt before him in the prayer position, and most vividly I’ll remember the hungry prowl of my ravenous Wolf as his approached his prey.
Only 4 day 21 hours 22 minutes to go.
=^.^=
