Every relationship, vanilla or kink, has moments of discord no matter how much love exists or how strong the foundation is. If there are two (or more) living breathing human beings in any dynamic, there are going to be the occasional disagreements or hurt feelings.
More often than not, if both parties are fully invested and acting in love, these moments of friction are a result of misunderstanding between the parties rather than one person being at fault. ‘Communication is key’ we’ve all heard a thousand times over. But communication isn’t just talking; communication is body language and eye contact. Communication is physical interaction as much as it is use of words. You don’t realize how much you normally rely on those physical things, until you don’t have them.
This is a struggle in long-distance relationships. You’re relying solely on the written or spoken word to decipher the other person’s thoughts or intent. On the phone, you don’t have the ability to see their facial expressions when talking, and in text or email you don’t even have the benefit of hearing their tone. In order to balance the scales, you have to spend more time talking and elaborating to get your intended message across, and sometimes there just aren’t words to convey an emotion that could be conveyed with eye contact and the caress of a cheek.
This increased difficulty in LDR is actually two-fold. Not only is communication harder and therefore potentially leads to more misunderstandings; it’s also more difficult to correct those staticky situations and reinforce the bond from a distance. For example, a misinterpreted or misspoken statement would much sooner be corrected if I could climb up into Sir’s lap and put my hands on both of his cheeks and look him in the eyes with deep sincerity and say “I promise you, that’s not how I meant it, what I meant was (fill in the blank)” rather than a text that says “I promise that’s not what I meant”. And in turn, it’s much easier to move past a disagreement if Sir is there to hold me and stroke my hair and say “It’s ok, let’s just move past this” sealed with a sweet kiss on my lips, rather than a phone call that says “It’s ok, let’s just talk about something else now.”
The inability to use factors such as touch, eye contact, body language, and tone inflection to communicate makes it of the upmost importance to use your words to communicate. Speak up. Talk about your feelings. Share your concerns. Be quick to compliment and praise. Be mindful of your word choice. Use proper grammar (a misplaced comma can change the entire meaning of a statement). Be quick to apologize. Elaborate. Enunciate.
But what if you’re little? What if you’re shy? What if you have a past that taught you to be quiet, that submission is silence?
How do you find your voice? Where do you find your voice?
=^.^=
