A friend of mine recently lost their submissive. I don’t know all the details. All I know is she handed him his collar back. When I heard this from him, my heart broke into a million pieces. The pain of what I went through just a couple years ago came rushing back. All I wanted to do was hug him.
In my case I was the submissive who lost their collar. My Dom at the time had a lot of personal issues going on and asked for my collar back. Yet, I was allowed to keep my protection collar. I remember the feeling of loss. I remember feeling like I lost everything in a matter of moments.
When getting or giving a collar you never think about ever getting it back. The bond the bond that forms is indescribable. You feel safe, loved, cared for. You may feel like you have done an amazing job with your sub. You have overwhelming pride for them. You look upon them wearing the collar and probably think “I’m so glad they are mine”. For a submissive you probably think “I am his to please”
No matter how you view the collar, the feelings are the same. As I have talked with my friend about this recently, I have just wanted to cry. That pain I felt has creeped back in. Even knowing I am better off, the pain has been beyond real. For the first time in my life I knew what a broken heart was.
I lost my collar in December of 2019. Here it is in 2021 almost 2022, the pain still exists. The pain eases some but I remember the day. I remember the day laying my collar and my promise ring in his table. My heart still aches. Not for him, but to be a submissive of someone’s someday.
Now, I have thought about accepting another collar if the time were to every come around. Honestly, I don’t know if I would. I don’t know if I would want to go through that pain again if it were to fail. I miss my collar daily and wish I had it on. I have thought about wearing my protection collar I had. I have not made it that far.
I have thought about self collaring until I found the right Dom. Being a submissive is so much more than a collar. At times it makes me feel like a submissive. I don’t even know how to describe what I mean by that. I know at the end of the day, only I can feel a certain way.