I was talking with a friend recently about submission. This was after we attended a munch about it. We were talking about how submission is different for everyone. How my submission is different from what their submissive is like. Even what the submissive we saw giving the presentation.
The thing is, back in 2017 I had this Dom. Wonderful person. We just had some differences and we broke it off. Not until they taught me some hard lessons on submission. One of them was about asking questions. Yes, it’s ok to ask questions. If they said go get me a glass and bring it to me. You proceeded with why? That is defeating the purpose of what is being taught in that moment. What if they wanted to see if you could follow just simple directions without question. What if the lesson was, what they did with the glass. You don’t know.
The lesson I was taught by this Dom was this. If I ask something of you and you question me, do you trust me? Of course I always said I did. Deep down did I trust them enough to let go? Let go fully? Let go of everything I was taught? By me asking questions, it was my way of making sure I was safe. It was protecting myself from whatever may come. If you think about it a second, it’s the Doms job to protect you. They wouldn’t put you in harms way. At least not a good Dom.
Over the course of our relationship I worked on not questioning everything. I did get better, but not where they wanted me. That’s not what caused us to split.
It wasn’t until my last Dom I had. Did I slowly learn this even more? I was out in several situations where they would push me. Push me to grow. I knew what they were doing. I wanted to question them on why?? They could tell I wanted to by my eyes. It took every ounce not too. Especially, in front of other Doms.
I learned by not asking a lot of questions I began to grow in a lot of areas. I learned not push in some areas. I had to trust them on things were going to be ok. A lot of the times they were ok. My safety was not in jeopardy. If it was, then I would have question it.
That was one thing I had learned. If I felt my life was at risk, my limits were being pushed, at that moment I could ask questions. It didn’t happen often. Once I learned this and learned to let go, I finally felt more submissive.
Which now makes things hard for me. For example I was at a friends house. Who just happens to be a Dom type. (Most of my friends are haha) We we’re talking. Joking they said “hand me the water”. Knowing deep down they didn’t really mean it. We were just talking. I about handed them the water. I laughed because I realized at that moment how much of a sub I really am.
Even though I act like i am not most of the time. I was going to do something out of reflex because I was told to do it. It was just talk and not really an action. My submissive side has a hard time at times deciphering what is talk and what I am supposed to do. Especially being an unowned submissive.
With this all being said…. Being a sub is different for everyone. It will be. Each dynamic is different. After talking with my friend. It got me thinking about my sub side. How I act. Especially towards Doms. How far I have come when it come to trusting a Dom. Being a submissive isn’t easy. It takes a lot to give up control. Allow someone to do things to you and for you at times. Once you do allow that. How freeing it is.
