So new here, so many thoughts swirling in my mind. I was told it was very unusual to go from a traditional marriage to here. I believe a good place to start, a solid place is with what you know. My marriage.
I met my husband when I was 18 and we married on my 21st birthday. What had started as sex had progressed into friendship and love. The next 26 years were filled with ups and downs, as is life. Times we were broke, at times we had plenty. Our first daughter, so tiny, died on Mother's Day, yet a few years later our daughter Glory was born. An injury to my back led to surgeries and complications ultimately leaving me in a wheelchair, for life, the doctors said. Seven years later I climbed atop a picnic table, pointed to the sunset and asked my husband if he'd ever seen anything so beautiful. The catch in his voice as he replied "No, never" made me turn to him and I realized he wasn't looking at the sunset, he was looking up at me. And of course the normal currents of life flowed along throughout our lives.
Now why do I feel the need to list these things? Because life itself, it's issues of money, job stress, even boredom is enough to rip apart many couples without the extra hurdles we faced. So I ask myself how did we survive and look at the relationship and what it was built on.
I looked at my parent's marriage, it not only worked but the love and their bond was wonderful. My father was the undisputed head of the household, when it came down to it, his word was law. Yet this is tempered by his love for my Mother and for something important to her, he will move heaven and earth to see it done. There was no greater crime in my house than "making your Mother cry". My father worked and provided the financial security, my Mother ran the daily errands, took care of the house and took care of us. I never heard them yell at each other, although I know there must have been disagreements and they always treated each other with respect.
This was what I wanted in my marriage and my life. And except for some arguments, this is what I had with Richard. Although not perfect or always easy I believe the basic foundation of our relationship and a few rules we followed are what made the good times great, the bad times better and the very worst of times surmountable. Those foundations and rules are as follows...
Richard was not only my love, my lover and my friend he also provided my physical and financial security, I counted on him for guidance when I needed it and he believed in me, even when I doubted myself. And if I was headed in the wrong direction and my ass needed straightening out, well he did that too.
Me, I was his and when he'd pull me close, saying "Mine" all was right in my world. I took care of the house, our daughter and him. I strove to always be available for whatever he needed whether that was sex, a sympathetic ear after a hard day at work, someone to cheer the Cowboys on with or someone to hand him nails during a household repair job.
The rules we followed were simple and not many.
Games are something you play for fun, not something you play with each other.
No cussing at each other even or especially when arguing or disagreeing. (This one could be hard but I during 26 years I don't need more than my fingers and toes to count the number of times it was broken)
It is never ok to belittle each other, but especially not in front of others.
I tried to never disagree with him in public. If I disagreed, it was discussed later in private.
and finally...
I was His.His word was Law, His Law was tempered by his Love for me.
There is more to it than that, of course, but those are the fundamentals. I had this as my life and through his death I lost it. I want it back, I need it back. This is who I am, how I was meant to live.
So, how did I come to be here, on this site? I can't help but draw many parallels between Richard's role in my life and what I've read to be the role of a True Dom. Also role in our relationship seems to mirror, in many ways, that of a submissive. Just how great the similarities and differences are and if is where I belong, I have yet to find out.
