S_A's Soapbox

This post has been a few days coming... I guess it's best to start with the main thing: The wife found out I've been 'sexting' with a few people I met on this site. And as I've previously stated, I can't really get sexually involved with someone without emotions attached, so even if nothing physical happened, I did 100% cheat... She's been at her parents' house for the past few days now, with our son. And I've hardly heard from her, to boot.

I've tried to explain to her that I felt trapped, and that her not responding seriously - if at all - to my attempts to start conversations about bringing BDSM back into the marrage pushed me in this direction. Not to mention how everything in the house falls on my sholders: laundry, dishes, picking up our son's toys, cleaing up trash, mowing the lawn, etc. All somehow supposed to get done while 90% of the time I'm also solo-watching our son, after having sweated myself to death at work all day. To say nothing of us never really spending time together even outside the bedroom. Even when she drags herself out to the couch for dinner we don't really talk, we can only agree on a single show to watch which gets old after a while, and it's never long before she slinks back to the bedroom to lay down or takes a bath.

And I understand she had medical issues, and some mental things that would get in the way of being able to do much on-topic activities. Depression, a bad back, breathing problems... but she could at least talk to me about it, try to meet me halfway somewhere, something.

Anyway... I've spent a few days now getting a lot of this stuff off my chest. I guess I'm posting this just to get some extra opinions. Honestly, my biggest concern is with my son. I don't want to loose him. As far as my wife... if she's willing to forgive me and take me back, it'll still take a lot of work from both of us to even begin to fix things. The thing is... I am willing to try to fix it but at this point, now that everything has come out like this... I'm not sure if that's what I want.

I'm posting this mainly just to explain my own views and feelings on sexual relationships. I felt compelled to make this post after two separate incidents of becoming attached to people here, only for other circumstances to take them away.

In my exploration of BDSM, it's apparent that the lifestyle is pretty focused on loose, casual sex. Sure, there are long term, serious, monogamous relationships, but a large portion of BDSM practitioners seem to embrace a more casual approach. Which is fine, I'm not here to preach to anyone. But if you want to do anything with me, I'm going to have an emotional attachment to you.

If you submit to me, if we start trading sexual pictures, if we start sexting or having sex-focused role plays: any or all of these will quickly, cause me to become emotionally connected to you. I simply can not have a sexual relationship with someone without​ feeling something for my partner.

So, if anyone else approaches me with the intent to just have some quick casual fun... Please just look elsewhere. If you come to me to start anything sexual, be ready for something long term.

Well, I'm not accustomed to writing blogs, so bare with me. This'll probably be a rambling mess.

I suppose it would be best to start with what brought me to THE CAGE in the first place. I met my wife on FetLife. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship that lasted longer then it probably should have, and was looking to just put that behind myself and move on with a caring submissive. The first girl I met lived in NY, and at the time that kind of travel was out of the question. Still, talking to her, she was almost exactly what I wanted in a submissive. But due to the distance, and some personal drama in her life, I opted to be friends with her and continue my search.

My (at the time future) wife was found a week or two later, and only lived an hour away. She was getting out of a D/s relationship herself, more exploring it then anything committed, and we chatted online for a while before meeting up. It wasn't long before we began dating. She wasn't too strong into the lifestyle, but she did help me slowly break out of my shell, so to speak...

Well, things progressed, band then we had a big argument and ultimately broke up. I don't even remember what it was about, exactly, but I seem to remember it being about her not being as into D/s as I was... which will become a running theme. I had stayed in touch with the girl in NY, and her personal drama had concluded. I wasn't completely opposed to a long-distance relationship, so I gave her a shot.

My future wife came back, begging for a second chance, about a week later. Long story short, after a lot of deliberation and a few attempts to get them on friendly terms with each other - as I do believe in polygamy and was naively hopeful for such a resolution (keep in mind I was around college age at this time, and more then a bit dim at times) - I eventually chose the local girl, despite feeling that NY was a better match. I've always had a problem with choosing immediate gratification over long term returns.

My soon to be wife's birth control failed some time later - and she was the first, and to this date only, girl I've ever had sex with. I decided to marry her, despite having slowly been growing less attracted to her as her interest in D/s had apparently faded while mine had only grown stronger. I made this choice more for the sake of our child, even dropping out of community college to move to a new town and take a blue-collar job at her family's company.

Now here I am, some years later, miserable and unsatisfied with pretty much every aspect of my life. Through it all, I kept in touch with NY girl, off and on (and behind my wife's back, because she seems to view even me even chatting with her as cheating) and she still seems like she'd be nearly everything I want in a partner. Not to mention we're both older and she'd be capable of moving down here, if I where single. But I'd have to divorce my wife, and while I don't have much attraction to her anymore, I don't want to drag our son through that. I don't want to split him between two households. And I don't think I could afford the financial burden of child support, alimony, or lawyer fees. Plus, I don't think she realizes just how far things have fallen. Despite me having expressed my need multiple times, I don't think she understands that it is a NEED

I don't know how things will end, but I just need a place to have some contact with the BDSM lifestyle, and to be able to talk out my personal issues. Whether I get any advice or not, it feels better just expressing these feelings to 'someone' other then NY girl.