Master and the Sub

As I sit here writing this, I am conflicted with how I was raised and taught how to be as a person. First let me say that I have never just had random sexual encounter's they have always been in a relationship except once after my first divorce, 5 years later. A one night stand that I enjoyed but it wasn't meant to be on going. It was year's later my sub walked into my life, I found a side of me I knew was there but though the things I was taught , the life I knew it was hard to accept for the  guilt at first. Once I let myself be me I found a life I enjoyed and felt happy with, can't imagine living without it. But since it's been awhile since I have had that, I miss a women's human contact, I miss the feel of a body next to me, I miss the sexual energy when two souls are combine in pleasure of body and mind. As the days pass, I lust for that, I have thoughts of it, being a man and human I also have thought's of betraying all I was taught and finding a random stranger to fill the physical need. I know this goes against all I believe in and all that I was taught but it's a craving, a want to feel something real right now in the moment. I am sure the feeling will pass as sleep beckons me, responsibilities, life just happens, but in those time's my thought's are not in a good place. I ask am I wrong for wanting what I want, will I be judged for a physical act void of feeling's just a strong desire at this place in time. My body commands my mind at time's I am guilty of listening to it, knowing it won't end well.