New

Here we go I am trying to find me again. I know some of the things i like and i like to do but they are not who i am more of a comfort then anything else. That voice in the shadows with me keeps asking me if I'm ready and i tell it yes and he gets closer to where i can almost see him. But when he looks in to my eyes he turns and says your not ready yet and i ask him well if I'm not ready when will I be. He tells me you will know when your ready. I drop to my knees and yell but I am ready. I am tired of not knowing who I am. I so ready to be me again. Not this person that can't even look in the mirror and know the person that is looking back. I want to ve able to smile again because I'm happy not just because it will make someone smile back or to be able to say i love you and truly mean it not just because it will make someone else happy. I know you should not say I love you unless you mean it and when I'm in the moment I do mean it but then later when I think about why I said it and if I truly meant it it always come to the same conclusion. How can you truly love someone when there is no point in it when they are not going to stay long enough in your life so that you can be 100% sure that it is a true thing. Every time I start to come out of the shadows. I know its not me that is doing it. It's just another persona that I put on so I can feel love. When deep down I know it's not for me. Even know i want it to. God i want that so bad.