Sitting at the Starbucks drive-thru, I made peace with my heart. Finally after all this time. Or perhaps after all of my life, we came to an understanding. A weight lifted. I finally came to trust in her and her choices. This heart of mine, who I’ve condemned for so long. Who I’ve never trusted to make wise choices. This morning I finally came to understand her wisdom. It’s been there all along, and yet I could never see, or perhaps could never understand, or perhaps could never allow myself to believe.
This peace allows me to let go of something that has been the struggle this whole time… believing I did it all wrong. It allows me to see now that I didn’t, and never did. It allows for a knowing that I will be ok. She will know again when it’s time. She will recognise love because she has done it very successfully throughout my life. I can trust that I will know when the right person for me comes along.
I just needed a quiet place to rest for a while, so that I could heal enough to hear her soft voice again, because she only speaks in a whisper. This has been that place. You have all given me so much. So much support and encouragement. You have seen me. You have allowed me to be seen. You have allowed me to write and pour my hurt out, and you have never condemned me for that. I am so grateful. Thank you.
If I am a little bit quieter these days, know it’s a good thing. I’m still here. I just don’t need to be so seen anymore. There are others who’s turn it is to bask in the beautiful support here, and to shine and feel nourished, being lifted from a lifetime of feeling hidden in plain sight. It’s time for me to pay it forward.
