For my beautiful friends and kindred souls <3 you know who you special peoples are 😉 ESPECIALLY the little A, you are seen and you are loved for ALL your beauty 😄 (And S who is a light in a very dark place <3 )
The stuffies are rioting, there are marshmallow fires all around, everything is upside down and ALL over the place.
Lil has gone in to hiding and no matter what bribes, threats or coercion's are being tossed about like a chaotic and tempestuous rainstorm she is not coming out. Which of course brings out Miss Middle in bitch mode.
So in the end after all the blustering, blubbering and tantrums from the crazy ass Middle who's decided she now wants to wreak havoc right now, it seems things just got a whole lot more serious all of a sudden. Anger issues seem to be the flavor of the week as this new cycle begins and I keep reminding myself that patience and breathing go a loooonnnggg way to controlling a stressful situation.
So wherever little's go when they're in need of a hidey hole, I know she's safe and will come out when the time is right again. Till then it's time for routines, exercise and practices in TLC so we can keep everyone safe from the Middle Brat drama flaring up (back in your cave drama queen).
Getting back to basics and learning to embrace myself and all the pieces of me fully, with as much joy, gratitude and zest as I can muster up in these crazy times.
On that note some of my new go to tools will be the following:
Following the rule of 3
For every
there is always a bright side and a positive, so every time I have a bad/negative thought or emotion I will sit and think on it, acknowledge it and then counteract with a positive thought to balance the two out.I will then add in something good and happy to look forward to sometime in the future- creating my own silver lining and not allowing myself to dwell in a negative mind set all the time. Balance in all things is what I will strive for moving forward.
Reflection time:
I will begin setting aside time every day for self reflection, whereby I will sit and look at my reflection and recite happy memories, thoughts, ideas and affirmations as I do this. For now it will be mental/thoughts but I do plan to progress to verbal later on as I work on my speaking abilities and presentation.
This may seem silly and pointless to some but when you've spent most of your life with a fear of being seen, avoiding notice and hiding away from everyone including yourself. When it was ingrained in you from your earliest memories that being seen was a negative thing and the very idea of actually having someone stand there and LOOK at you is petrifying and makes you want to scream, run, destroy rather than just sit there and BE SEEN...I won't allow it to control me or be a weakness any longer. I've conquered worse shit than this before and I will OWN it instead of running from it and turning a blind eye.
Suck it up Buttercup!!
So we ALL know this year has been a trip and still has a way to go, that's a given and not changing any time soon. But what happens when that's the story of your past few YEARS of life and shit just keeps going wrong? Read it again and repeat as much as needed. Suck it up Buttercup!!
Shit happens, life moves on. You can only do your best and move along with it or be moved BY it. Staying stationary isn't an option and you'll never make it up that beautiful mountain or get where you want to be if you don't take that first step and start moving.
Heck even when you fall down, that adds it's own momentum! And if you start to roll back again...take a deep breath, use the rule of 3 and give yourself a fucking break! You don't HAVE to move mountains or change the world in a single day! You don't need to wreck yourself or smash everything to pieces to make progress. Sometimes taking it easy, being gentle gives much better results than working yourself to the bone or running yourself haggard.
Remember always, a seed needs to take grow roots first and find anchorage in the soil before it can grow into what it will become. It needs nurturing, shelter, time and nourishment to grow to its full potential and flourish.
And as always some music to soothe the soul <3
Stay strong and kick ass everybody!
Time to get my Alpha Bad Ass Warrior mode back on.
I easily could love you, if given half the chance.
The whispers of imagings, gentle sideways glace.
If only you'd let me in, like a sweet embrace
the softest touch...
Tender caress, oh so quiet exhale
Nervous touch of skin to skin,
heart beats in time
world fades away to you.
Something about you gives me pause,
catching breath, lost in time
coming back to myself once more...
Okie so you have to start your comment or blog with the words I DARE you to...
Rules are simple :
-Has to be something you would/have done yourself.
-Has to be realistic (no magic or Sci fi sorry ?)
-Has to be done fully clothed but you can pick the clothes
Tag you're it?
How can anyone come along and keep up with you, wanting you to submit and hand over control, expect you to just relinquish it all and believe that they know better than you. Can do more, do better, fix and calm and BE all that you are lacking in your world?
When every little bit, piece part of you has wanted nothing more that to let go and surrender, but every inch of your life has been an endless fight with tooth and nail to just get by and MAKE it to where you are in the first place. Because life just works that way and you have no choice but to deal with it and move on before it deals with you.
Sure, you can say to take a breath and just surrender to it, but what happens when you do that and they inevitably fall behind, lose pace, or wander off for “greener pastures?”.
Keep in mind oh ye Domly one, that all this time she has gone along, done it all and managed thus far without hide nor hair from you or yours. If there was a one who could be what you suggest why then has it taken so long and why has she still been on this journey all along instead of sheltered in his arms safe from the storm. All this talk of dashing princes riding in to save their damsel in distress, these pre conceived ideas, ideals and imaginings that you have in your hands, held out like jewels so bright and shiny in the light, to be swept away in the first wind to blow.
She’s heard it all before, those pretty words all said, and those empty hollow promises made. Every breath, every thought, and each hope drifting away on the wind.
It is not the words she seeks, but the actions. You can say naught but follow through. What good is it to speak hot air and blow out all your intentions but not spur yourself into action and follow through on your convictions? What can be worse than waiting and wondering how much is true, how must can be believed and trusted…if or when he will follow through?
You must remember every word she hears is shadowed in doubt, held up and scrutinized to find holes and flaws, because each one before you has set her on her guard. A little more, a little higher, with every trick and every glib word, sly polished tongue. These have all taught her to see you in a tainted light, and both of you shall bear the brunt of all the prior damage done.
It’s not a choice, it’s a matter of survival, and how can you even begin to expect or hope to have her let you in, to even consider you worthy, if you don’t do the most basic and fundamental parts like begin to communicate, to get to know her inside and out? How can you be worthy of control and her submissiveness if you do not first seek to know what you would control?
There is a simple truth that cannot be overlooked. Life is like a story, to be delved in to and explored, page by beautiful page and word for wondrous word. Some love to read, others skim over pages or skip right to the end. Then then are those that always “wait for the movie”.
But you’ll never know the whole story or be able to appreciate the depths of the characters and how they come alive if you don’t read it and get lost in the beautiful world with all its magic and adventures.
Every part of her is a piece of that story, a puzzle that needs to be put back together gently one piece at a time before the whole can be seen and the beautiful picture admired and seen for its truth and glory.
Make no mistake, she wants, and wishes and hopes that one day she too will have the love and joy she sees shared between those lucky enough to have found their stories found and shared, their mysteries and depths explored and seen, understood and embraced by another.
The longing and desire are not sated but rather hidden deep inside where all the secrets and mysteries that her are wait to be discovered and brought to life once again, by the breath of love and its soft, lingering touch.
As was so eloquently said by the beautiful SirsBabyDoll :
A house is not a house without a solid foundation. So to a person. That foundation is constructed with time and experience (I almost wrote sex-sperience). Sometimes, when there is enough bombardment from outside forces, that foundation gets cracked and damaged. You can either demolish the house (death) or you can reconstruct the foundation. It'll look messy. It'll look unstable. It'll take forever because it is a slow process. But once it is done, you can rebuild the landscape and enjoy your safe, warm, peaceful home once again.
