Dancing in darkness and solitude

So many days have flown by, I look and its a blur just like bubbles in the sky. Each day is there then suddenly POP all gone! But oh how they make me smile. And slowly oh so slowly I'm finding my feet again, starting to gain momentum as things take shape and grow little by little.

I like to think of it as planting seeds and watering them everyday, so my garden (me) has a beautiful variety of flowers, trees, friends who visit and help me admire the beauty of life. 

Whether we lay back on the grass cloud gazing, chase butterflies or splash around in creeks and streams, all of these make for a happy, lively garden full of joy and love.

I want to thank all who have helped me so far in this journey and look forward to enjoying all the fruit and bounty this garden will have to offer in time..???????????

Some of my favourite things to do as a child were laying on the grass staring at the clouds, climbing trees and hopping around on boulders. Picnics, hiking in forests and wading through puddles and streams. Trying to climb as high as I could go, or reach from branch to branch like an acrobat. Any time by the sea just swimming in the waves, diving in the pool, handstands under water, seeing how long I could hold my breath. Playing on the jungle gyms and hanging upside down were always a favorite as well. All these things make me beam inside and never cease to bring a smile. 

I had the best feeling today, it was warm and bubbly and overflowing! Had me feeling like I was floating and all this from just imagining how my life could be once my daddy has found me. 

I was so overjoyed it brought tears to my eyes, a skip hop to my step and huge silly smile. Was thinking of fun things to do together and remembering how much fun I used to have playing with bubbles, and how excited and giddy butterflies get me. 

And of course there's always smelling all the beautiful flowers or playing with baby animals, nothing will make me quiet as giddy as a little kitten to be sure.

Can't wait for our adventures and all the fun I know will come. I'll be a patient babygirl, because I know daddy is busy and I still have work to do. I'll be working very hard to show daddy how much I've grown and how far I've come when he finds me and scoops me up in his arms? I really hope he will be proud of me, and can't wait to see him smile?

No reason to rush

I am not a quick fix, an instant answer 
A sugar rush 

I am the whisper of skin on skin
The tickle in the back of your mind. 
Slow steady beat of heart 
Blood rushing through veins, air through lungs.

Like the tension in your muscles as you brace yourself for the strike you know is going to come.
The hitch of breath between deep long strokes.
The gasp as fingers stroke, nails rake, skin breaks.
Gripping harder then softer, light pressure building. 
I am the reason you hold such a firm grip,
As you try to control me with just one look.

You try to make me beg with the promise of fulfillment but you forget my lust has always had no limit. 
Your voice ringing out in a sensual moan,
Your body melting in to mine, sweat on sweat and aching groans.
The echoing impact as our bodies slam
In a sweaty timeless passionate dance.

You see the bee needs time before it can give honey. And queen bees are a whole other story! 

It's strange how people can just appear in your life and take right over, have you feeling like things are just magical and like you're actually alive for the very first time! And then just turn right around and walk back out the door...

Enter ex who ghosted me, left me bleeding out an emotional death on the floor till I shut down and cut him out of my life. Now he's back again wanting more. How do you tell someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with that the love isn't there anymore?

That doors closed, I'm not that girl anymore. And now it's too late and I see that look on your face. I'm silently praying you get bored of me again and just move on for both our sakes...

So as you'll see from my previous posts the last few days have been a massive shift and brought many things to light that I've never really faced or been aware of. 

I've come to the conclusion that it's time to get back in and finish the fight, to shake things up on my own terms and start getting things right. 

I've never particularly felt broken or incomplete, but when things hit me and bring out those parts of me thats hidden deep within, I see the cracks on the surface and realize that while there has been healing it was never a clean break.

It's time to fix that and get along with my monsters, so we can take on the rest together and unleash the beautiful beast within. Time to go back and un-break it all, learn it over and become stronger than ever before.

I've now come to realize that taking care of me is my number one priority and this will be my focus going forward, on this next step of my journey.

I am excited and so very happy to be on this path and thank you to all who share in pieces of my journey-much love and wishes for happiness~lost little missy

I am a cautious and curious creature by nature, and my future dominant will not only come to expect this of me, but he will love me and adore me all the more for it because that's part of what makes me so wonderful.

Its a big piece of who I am. I need to learn and understand things and this cannot be done without questions and curiosity. And this does not mean I am questioning him, his wants, commands or needs, but that I crave the knowledge and have the desire to learn all I can about how I can best please him.
That my greatest wish is to do my best and want nothing more than to be better than before, to grow and become his perfect little one, that makes his heart sing with joy and lights a fire in his soul.

The right dom will not need me to submit without question or hesitation, he will be able to draw me out and meet me where I'm at, then guide me to where we both wish to be, together and stronger for it. He will take all my doubts, fears and worries and face them with me one by one, knocking them down and sweeping them away side by side, he will be my strength and my guide. We will use all these things as stepping stones as we build our bond with one another.

He will know he holds me, mind, heart and soul, and never have to doubt me as he comes to know me inside and out. The rest will follow, so gentle soft and sweet, as he takes me and claims me for his own.

What is it that makes us shy away, when to stay and fight or walk away? 

If given the choice, why not try and see, is it too much too soon? A little too deep? 

I don't want the surface, I want the depths of the sea, the darkest pieces inside of you, the reasons your heart skips a beat.

I crave to know you inside out, like the river knows the land and the wind knows the breeze, to merge and blend and bleed into one another, inseparable and bound together as one. 

This is my wish, my reason to surrender, to walk this path and learn it's secrets as the sun follows the moon, chasing following, the endless push and pull.

My words are my weapon, my sword and my shield, the way that I find myself, the walls that I build. 

I use them to grow me, shape things and show me, I listen for their meaning and their absence, and weigh them for their value and true worth. 

They tell me a story, sing me a song, they teach me the lessons I need to move on. 

They show me my blessings, guide me on my way, help me build on my weaknesses and show me the strength inside of me every day.

Truth is one of the hardest things to find, to recognize and face, to internalize. It takes a boundless courage to face the darkness, to look yourself in the eye and acknowledge all inside of you, give it voice and make the choice to do whatever it takes to discover and love yourself like no other. 

Because in the end you go out as you came in, lonely but never alone, because you are your own best friend.

You're the only one who will never walk away, you'll always be with yourself all your life, every breath, every sigh, each and every day and night-for every love and adventure, for each tear and heartbreak. 

This is perhaps the hardest part of it, because now you have to learn to give yourself your all and be your own everything.

You have to give yourself the unconditional love that your inner self craves, the rest will all follow with time, but inside you is where the seed lays.

The seed of truth, hope and belief in the chance for something greater and more beautiful than you could ever have imagined.

To flourish and thrive with every step taken, every secret learnt, every whisper heard in these never ending possibilities, with the wonderful magical mystery of words..