Dancing in darkness and solitude

I keep having to remind myself to breath,

count it out use my numbers, in deep, hold and release.

This darkness washing over me, a familiar old friend that I thought had abandoned me. Now I realize there was just too much light and the hiding began again. 

So I crawl on my knees to our secret place, our safe spot far away from this everyday drama and unhappiness. 

We lie against one another and watch the moon and the clouds float by like memories and imaginings drifting down a stream of whispered dreams.

I have missed this part of me, this place it seems never let me go, only waiting in patient slumber for my return home.

There seems to be a trend taking shape where a “dom” contacts and begins to converse with a potential sub, then disappears like the wind without a word, just like a proverbial ghost. 

So from here on ditching dom ghosts (maybe dddg for damn ditching dom ghosts?)

I know I myself and guilty of dropping conversations here and there or being bad at replying sometimes but everyone is busy and I get to it where I can. 

Its when someone has taken considerable amount of their time and energy to respond to and interact with said “doms” only to have them make plans or build the beginnings of a wonderful connection that it seems to fizzle and disappear-like a dead fish.

Not sure if they’re after some kind of emotional kick from it or get some twisted satisfaction thinking we the subs who are being So thoughtlessly pushed aside are for some reason pining over them, an emotional wreck or for some other reason lost without them, but regardless it doesn’t matter.

All translates to in my mind is that YOU are not strong enough to dominate ME and you realize you will never be able to earn my submission. Because I have a brain, speak my mind and thoughts and even though it hurts to be let down, I would rather go through a billion wannabe pretenders to find a real and true dom, than sit back and pretend you’re everything I want. 

It astounds me that someone cannot have the decency and good grace to simply say “Hi! It’s been fun but things aren’t working out for me, have a great life!”... is it REALLY THAT HARD?

And this is for no reason and no explanation whatsoever, yes people I see those heads nodding, you know EXACTLY what I mean.

I know every sub will suffer this, and many many dom/mes as well, but at what point does ignoring someone become all right? I keep wondering if it’s done with the hopes that the other party would leave the ghost alone from there on, but realize and understand people have emotions and it costs you NOTHING to let the other person know you are ALIVE AND WELL, rather than having them worry themselves sick over your wellbeing. When you consistently build a connection and then just drop it like there’s no tomorrow all you’re doing is successfully building up more walls for the next dom who comes along, but those doms, the real ones who actually have the guts and the self worth, drive and integrity to work at scaling or tearing those walls down, will make the memory of you a sand grain within an ocean of possibilities and happiness.

All this has managed to teach me is that there are a lot of weak ass mthr f*ckers out there who can’t handle their own shit but want me to hand over all of me and mine-yeah right??.

You have to move to get to a destination, you have to put in EFFORT to get a result and I really truly don’t see what possible result could be sought after with this behavior.

Anyone who has ever ghosted another person, stop being a sh*t, go back and apologize because that is the right and honorable thing to do, and if that’s not what you stand for then you don’t deserve the title you’re trying to portray and you should stay in your f*cking lane instead of wasting other people’s time and toying with their hearts. There’s no reason to lie or mess people around, be open and just say what you want, move on with dignity and grace.

And to follow up on this I want to give a huge shout out to all the wonderful amazing people who have stuck through it and communicated like the wonderful people they are and had the personal integrity to discuss things with others before moving on or ending communications.

To all the dom/mes, daddy’s, masters, owners and anyone else I might have missed that have NOT been a party to this really horrible behavior THANK YOU for showing us what the real deal looks like and what we’re working towards and waiting for in the meantime ❤️??

(Takes deep breath while clutching stuffie!!)

WHY is the most common thing doms ask related to what I look like?! 

I understand that men are visual (ladybits  makes your blood rush >insert chest banging< ROAR) blah blah blah. That’s awesome but that’s YOU/guys not ME.

Start with something silly, funny, goofy, quirky- ANYTHING other than physical looks. All that reads to ME is that you’re looking for a POA and can’t be bothered to get to know the person instead of just the body.

Read my blog and ask me questions, ask me something crazy or weird, tell me about your favorite pet that you miss so much because it’s over when rainbow bridge- I’m here for the CONNECTION AND BOND, that’s why I left the vanilla world and came HERE!

If I was interested in physical or exhibitionist it would be on my profile, if it were about sex and my body it would be screaming from my blogs, posts and again my profile.

If you can’t stimulate me mentally and intellectually there’s no WAY you’ll be able to reach me in a physical or emotional level, so the way I look physically is nearly obsolete.

It also means simply put that without the mental link neither one of us will be getting off at all. I’m finally learning to ask- what’s in it for ME?! Because I’m done with one sided and being left wanting. The want is there, the hunger, the need, but it’s for my Daddy ONLY and is not something to be shared, I will wait for him for as long as it takes.

And yet it seems without fail that EVERY guy who goes this route also magically has kik and is very impatient to talk on there?! 

Not to mention if you are genuinely a Daddy dom, you would KNOW how to draw me to you and help me become comfortable before even broaching that topic as it requires trust and a mutual interest in going further.

The LAST THING I want is to come on here and explain my physical attributes and why my time or schedule is limited- I work long and hard hours and have a life around that too, end of story. You don’t need to know more that that unless/until we both decide to take thing further.

And PLEASE do not mistake this as being difficult or close minded, from my side and perspective I have had more or less the same discussion over the same topics with well over 25 prospective doms and out of politeness I always responded etc. Only a handful have stuck around longer to actually continue working on a relationship or talking with me beyond the initial discussions-of which I have recently had 5 doms approach me AGAIN not realizing they’d already spoken to me before under my old handle!?? 

It is emotionally monotonous, and extremely disheartening to have this happen time and again, and it’s a normal part of all this I understand that, but it’s a really big detractor and frankly a turn off.

Am I being too harsh or seeing things in a negative or close minded way? Please I would love to hear thoughts and opinions on this!

(hugs stuffie in death grip and stomps off to burrow under blankies )

Hoping anyone reading this has a rainbow filled magically wonderful day and a blessed beautiful start to an amazing week ahead! Remember to rest, hydrate and make sure to included lots of hugs in there too!????❤️  Byeee bye for nooowwww? 

So many things are starting make sense to me lately the more I learn about myself and little’s in general. Many actions, moods and behaviors in my past I can actually look back on and pinpoint or revisit mentally and understand from a different perspective now that I am aware of it. 

It also helps me go back to a time before all the stress and worry and drama began to snowball everything, and makes me remember happier times where sunshine and clouds were the highlight of my day.

But most important of all I believe is the sense of peace and calm I feel now that I’ve begun to embrace and explore these parts of me and am looking forward to my future adventures with open heart, mind and arms held wide waiting for my daddy to come take me in his arms and hold me close to his heart.

A small part of me shakes and trembles at the thought because of course silly girl-it’s no wonder others don’t see me that way, because it’s daddy who will see me and know me for all that I am, can be and will become, and that is all that matters in the end. 

I will strive to be patient as can be, vigilant in bettering myself to the best of my abilities and extra careful to devote more time to self love and self nurturing, because it’s no longer about ME but about US- little me, middle me, grown up me and daddy? wherever he may be right now, we know he’s on his way to find us and take us home. (Stuffies included, all 52 of them ?????)

Why does it seem that every time I start to build an actual bond, a strong connection that actually pulls me in and makes me start to hope again, smile again-it all goes up in flames, evaporating like a dream? I am happy, hyper, hopeful and so full of love yet as soon as I set my sights on a meaningful connection the other party seems to melt away. It’s like there’s this dark cloud following me around and the thunder scares them away...only problem is I AM the thunder, it’s a part of me as much as my smiles, as much as the rain that falls from my eyes when I cry, the songs on my lips as bubbles of laughter burst out and as much as the clouds in my eyes as my thoughts run wild. I give nothing but tenderness and devotion, I am enthusiastic, eager and becoming more carefree, in mind and spirit, yet it seems I am destined to wander alone with these questions and misgivings. All I want is for the love, devotion and dedication to be returned and reciprocated. I guess maybe it’s just the way it’s meant to be, and I should just be focusing on working and improving myself instead.

After a very eventful month, lots of insightful experiences and happenings I’m suddenly feeling very lost and self aware. It feels like I’ve suddenly jumped back into another chapter of myself, ages and books ago, a whole other  version of myself.

As I sit here and try to ponder why, try to think of the reasons behind it and just find some balance again I realize I’ve lost track of my goals and the person I’m trying to become, and all for the want of trying to help and be supportive of others. I’m right back at me again and it’s glaringly obvious how badly I neglect myself in comparison to how well I care for and look after others. Now I just need to tap into why and figure out how to make it work for me instead of against me ???.

It’s time I began to set down roots and find my place, and yet strangely it feels right, I don’t feel anything negative about this other than an overwhelming sense of being emotionally drained.

Sending out bubbles of hugs and rainbows of love!