Every day, every breath, every time I close my eyes and try to take a step in a new direction.
I try to keep adapting and changing, but the emptiness and hollow darkness just keeps waiting there for me, to drag me back into that solitude and confinement.
I can hear the echo of me drifting back again, bouncing off the walls of my shell of nothingness that keeps the world at bay. I can feel my heart beat but beyond that there is nothing, no words, no happiness or joy-just drifting into the quiet embrace as time trickles slowly by, each grain of sand another piece of me fading back into myself.
The ache, the pain, the yearning that just comes with that all too horrible longing, it's buried deep inside with the loneliness and locked away deep and tight away from the light so it can suffer, it can starve and weep and maybe finally dissappear, like my hopes and dreams and wishes so far lost in the stream of reality and into the realm of never going to happen. I have no place for them right now, no energy or time. Done with searching and trying to connect, done with allowing that little light to escape and drown in the harsh reality of life. It's time for hibernation again while the anger and sorrow take root and keep the fire burning deep inside where nothing and no one else ever goes.
