This twisted reality is all ours

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} - It's refreshing to hear a D say this.

MountaintopMaster - As a husband, let me just say that for a moment it was indeed scary to hear my wife describe what she wanted, but in retrospect, I can't imagine her having to live with such a secret just because she thought I wouldn't be interested, or that it might damage our relationship.

If you can't be totally honest with your spouse, or any significant other, then you're only delaying the inevitable. If what they're giving you isn't the right fit, or is just not enough, then by hiding that from them, let alone seeking it out behind their backs, is usually just a matter of being unwilling to face the fact that you might have made a mistake in the first place by entering a long-term relationship with that person, OR, of course, simply admitting that you've grown in different directions, through no fault of either of you, besides both of your faults for not being more open about it before it became too late.

Sure, some people actually get off on the thrill of keeping such a potentially life-destroying secret. That's not a kink, in my opinion, or at least not a healthy one. It goes against everything that BDSM stands for, in terms of honesty and consent.

Be honest with your spouse or life partner. If they can't handle it, then maybe you're meant to part ways and be free to explore your next life journey of happiness and satisfaction. (Just know that the more you leave a path of destruction in your wake, the more you are, in fact, to blame for not being more cautious and knowing what you want before you dive into the next thrill.)

I could go on, but I really shouldn't...