Wtf? Well, good for you. I am a Domme all the time, not just in the bedroom.
In the store, at the gas station, watching TV, at a play, at a show, going to a convention, AND in the bedroom. Just because my location changes, doesn't mean my status does.
You seem to be a bit confused there little subby wannabe. And I bet I know how you got here, too.
Don't let that tragic event in your life suddenly make you decide that you, all of a sudden want to be a submissive. That's stupid, if not a little insulting. I get you are sad or got a mental mind fuck, because of the divorce, death, sister ran off with your brother, or whatever. But that isn't a smart way to enter the lifestyle. Plus it wastes everyone's time, on you, the fake sub. The only reason you are here is because you think the lifestyle is the grand all, be-all to amazing sex. And that's what you need to get over your mind shattering crisis in your life. Ffs! This isn't 50 Shades of Nonsense.
If you decide that the lifestyle is for you then make that decision on your best day. Don't wait until you are feeling your worst. Do it at your best. That way you will have a clear head, a smiling heart, and a happy soul. That will make you the best sub you can be. Invaluable to your owner and even cherished. Leave the sex dreams to the porn stars. Real Dommes prefer happy, obedient, thriving subs. Not the mentally mind fucked. And certainly not the deluded.