This twisted reality is all ours

Just thoughts.

So you’re poly you say?

3 years ago. April 28, 2021 at 11:33 PM

I know everyone has a different definition of certain mainstream things. Take for instance, a poly relationship or poly individual.

My definition is certainly different. Personally, I am not poly. I believe poly means an individual that has a lot of love to give. They enjoy the company of many and welcome new people. Though they may not always love each new person they meet, they also don’t automatically count that out as a possibility. For me, it is best to describe Poly as being at a buffet and trying a bit of everything. Sometimes you find yourself going back for seconds to a few different dishes. But you love each dish the same. That is poly.

Then we have, what I believe is not poly. Those that believe others should do as they are told, not as they do. For example: I know a male that claims the poly title, but then verbally announces to others that his girlfriend is not allowed to have another man. But it ok for him to have another woman. On the opposite side, I know a woman that has a boyfriend that thinks its ok for her boyfriend to have a boyfriend, but absolutely NOT another girlfriend. That’s not poly. These people just like sex and want to claim a title to it, such as poly, to be able to get away with it.

Again, I am not poly. I want nothing to do with other females. I actually despise them. But I welcome the potential for more than one male. I love the idea of a boyfriend or husband having a boyfriend. This thrills me. But as for other women… it would end badly for them. I am not poly. But I am also not so jaded enough that I feel the need to place a title, such as poly, and in the process of using such title, insult the people that actually are poly. Why lie? You aren’t poly, you just like to f***.

MountaintopMaster - That about sums it up. Some people use "poly" as an excuse to have sex with whoever they want, but they also allow selfishness and other manipulative behavior to remain, for their own benefit, or peace of mind, or some twisted sense of gratification.

There's a huge difference between polyamory and polygamy. Even in the D/s community, there seems to be a strong presence of "a dominant may do whatever they want, and have as many submissives as they want, but a submissive should only submit to one dominant, otherwise that's not total/true submission."

I understand how that's part of the power exchange dynamic, where one person is completely in charge, and the other, well, just has no choice and should be satisfied serving just one partner. If that truly is satisfactory and agreeable to all parties involved, then, have fun! Just don't call yourself truly polyamorous, unless you're willing to open the can of worms that is being poly yourself, but only accepting partners who are effectively monogamous to you, or "restricted poly" with just your other submissives.

TLDR, it's complicated. Just be honest about who you are, and what you want; don't use a title as an excuse.

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Ive called that 'collect a sub' on more than one occasion when its about kink sex role playing with as many 'subs' as they can get away with.
I don't know how anyone can have multiple relationships (kinda impressive juggling relationships) i find one a challenge but it's a relationship with different people all who have feelings emotions and want to be considered people not just tick box items on some kinky to do list. People make that work where it's not just about fu**ing but a relationship. If you're just after the sex go for it but at least be honest

3 years ago

MountaintopMaster - @rosethorn,

Indeed, I have been right there--"I don't know how anyone could have multiple relationships." Surprisingly, once I opened up to the idea that being "in a relationship" doesn't necessarily involve giving any one person every fleeting moment of your time, ...I found that the life energy that resulted from having multiple relationships caused me to abound with even more love and happiness to go around. It was as if I had been living life on a 3% battery, and all of a sudden I was hitting 100% on a weekly basis.

It's not for everybody. I can totally see how people get to feeling 100% by knowing that they are the entire universe to one other person. Whatever gets you there!

But, yeah. in the kink community, in my very limited observation so far, there seems to be an understandable amount of abuse of the terminology/lifestyle, for selfish reasons. (But, keep in mind, I say "an understandable amount" because I feel like it's not the kink community's "problem", it's a problem that all of humankind faces, period, just like sexism or racism or anything else. If anything, the kink community is, in fact, a better place to find various forms of poly.

3 years ago

OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours} - MM, do you think that is why ENM is getting such an uprising as of late? To offset the "collectors"

Also, I think it is called a Vee, when only one side is poly but otherwise closed. Or maybe that is just the 1 female 2 men equivalent. Lots of variability, as long as everyone is choosing for themselves and there are no secrets. But also... upfront. I have known too many poly people who have been hurt because a new person comes in and wants to make changes to what everyone gets. And new shinies get new rules.

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - What does ENM stand for?

3 years ago

SirsBabyDoll(sub female){Pizza+☕} - "ethical non-monogamy"

3 years ago

rosethorn(sub female) - Ah thank you x

3 years ago

MountaintopMaster - @OP,

Well, I can't really speak to an "uprising as of late", as someone who only recently started observing a rather limited scope of the community.

Having said that, I do consider myself a pretty keen observer, and a great absorber of information, trends, and societal habits. (It's part of my day job, so I have 15+ years experience being a "keen observer".)

So, all that to say, I bet "things are changing", indeed. Humans in general seem to be realizing that it's not always going to work, to be "chained" to just one single person for the rest of your life. (With such an incredibly high divorce rate, what the hell type of defense does monogamy really have?)

Still, you bring up a good point. The more relationships you have, there is no denying that it gets more complex, and there is plenty of potential for things to blow up in your face, and rapidly. Still, I think it's a healthier, more honest way to go through life, to at least be completely honest and open with your partner(s) about your needs, expectations, and boundaries.

Personally, I may very well spend most of my life being in "just" one relationship, but I will learn an immense amount, and become a better person overall, by experiencing poly at least to some extent. That's just my personal experience, of course.

3 years ago

Shadovvs(dom female) - Speaking of juggling relationships, I personally don't mind if my subs have another Dom. But to me, there is a difference between my subs and my mate that happens to have the sub title. But, that's me.

3 years ago

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Shadovvs​(dom female)

This twisted reality is all ours

So you’re poly you say?

Shadovvs(dom female)