Sub Steam

I lay here in bed scarcely able to breathe because my heart is so full.

I came to this site to find a Dom, a man who could handle a submissive woman and be trusted to handle me. Someone who could fulfill my VERY un-vanilla needs, in the bedroom and out. I thought I knew what I wanted, what I needed. A big bad hard nosed Dom who would bark orders and be an asshat. (I guess that’s the self deprecating masochist in me) I found a few of those, most of them very firm but very kind. Only one real asshat who attempted to cause trouble by messaging Daddy after we publicly announced. But in the midst of things, I got that message from Daddy. I knew I had to meet him (you can read the previous blogs) immediately. There wasn’t enough hesitation in the world to keep me from meeting him that day. Looking back, I could see the firmness (I still can) in his very intense eyes but there wasn’t a big bad dom there (Sorry Daddy) He’s intense and I have no doubt he could be fierce (those eyes and hands) if he needed to be, but he’s the kindest, hardest, softest, human being I have ever met. I have never met someone I trust in, the way I trust in him. I’ve never met a man that I felt was more capable than me of taking care of things. I’ve never met a man that I willingly let ALL control go and completely submit to. Happily. I’ve never felt emotions and love this intense and I still get overwhelmed with nothing but gratitude and love for this man who has given me such a gift. Everyone talks about submitting being a gift and I get that, but what a gift to give someone to fully dominate and take care of them and allow someone to fully let go of everything and trust. His gift is priceless and not something to squander or take with carelessness. I only accept his gift with gratitude and honor. To honor him in every way that I can, physically, emotionally, lovingly, and all. I came here thinking I knew what I wanted, he gave me what I NEEDED. 

P.S. I still get what I wanted in bed 😈

In reference to all the Brat talk lately.

I completely submit to my Daddy, when it counts, which is actually all the time. I would NEVER outwardly disobey anything he has asked of me, which isn’t much honestly. And even if he has voiced that he is uncomfortable with something, I will find a way to avoid it all together or if I can’t, stay in constant contact with him through it. That being said, I know my daddy would get completely bored with someone who didn’t challenge him. And in challenging him I don’t break his rules or over step, I tease, and if he didn’t like the way I was teasing I know he would let me know. It’s the little things like suggesting I’m big enough to do something that he doesn’t want me doing. It’s the things that I know would make him smile. 

Its not that I’m ever in a bad mood or a disobedient mood, he knows those moods although I don’t really have a disobedient mood. I’m entirely too happy to serve and service 😈 Daddy anytime he requests. 

Its those times where I’m NOT playful and bratty. In a session, unless you’ve talked about it and decided that’s what the scene consists of, I wouldn’t fee it’s appropriate, but then again, my daddy isn’t your daddy. So it might be different for you. You need to communicate your definitions and expectations cause assuming you have the same perceptions and definitions of things is a sure way to fail. I 

And make sure you know yourself as well. I’m slowly discovering so many little pieces of myself that I didn’t think was ok, until Daddy made me feel safe enough to be able to admit it or voice it. Daddy’s are fun, and I can’t imagine a daddy of a little that wouldn’t want a playful little brat of his own (again, just my minuscule opinion) Always be respectful though, you can be respectful even when your being bratty. Whether it’s a rolly eyed emoji 🙄 with a long “ YEESSSSS SIRRRR” or an innocent “Of Course Daddy 😇”

Which I tend to be more sassy than anything. But oh when he smiles at me and says I’m a “fucking brat” and I’m his 🥳 I’m all fuzzy and giggly! And I can’t wait to see him again! Love you Daddy! 

Laying on daddy’s chest, in his arms, is the most calm and peaceful feeling I’ve ever felt. 

As I lay with my head on his chest, my hands rubbing on his skin, he plays with my hair. Rubs my face....and starts playing with me.

Daddy is ready for another session. He’s getting his fill this weekend, making up for lost time, and as usual I am of course loving every single second.

He tells me to get on all fours in the bed, then move to the edge. Facing away from him. My body is trembling from needing a release and not knowing what he has in his head. The tension so tight in me you could cut it with a dull knife. Excitement and nerves coursing through me while he’s behind me and I have no idea what hes thinking or doing. I start to shake worse because I'm missing his hands on me. I hear him rustling for something and then another noise, I turn my head toward him to see what he has or at least an idea of what he has planned. He knows I'm nervous, he always knows everything, I don't even have to say anything most of the time. Its like he is inside my head and body, he knows exactly what to do or say when I need him. This time was no exception. As I turn, before I can even glimpse at him he tells me, firmly, gently, to turn around and face front. Instinctively my head snaps back to where it was supposed to be. In my head is such a whirlwind of thoughts, but not decisions, never decisions with Daddy. He makes them, and I crave it. The first one Ive ever been willing to trust enough to be able to release myself completely to him. I am there, I am exposed, I am his. I am exactly where I belong.

P.S. As usual I wasnt wrong to trust Daddy. Grrrr.

I don’t even know where to start. I could start at the broken marriages, the failed relationships, the abandonment. But I don’t really want to start with those at all. I joined the Cage, that’s where Ill start. I joined the Cage looking but not expecting to find a connection. I’ve been searching for that a long time and I’ve been through my fair share of relationships. I had met a couple of Doms and talked to them quite a bit on here. The ones that were good to me I say thank you. I’ve received a lot of messages from Doms wanting to talk and though I’ve declined many, I couldn’t decline you. 

I don’t know why I didn’t decline you that night, or politely tell you to piss off. I lll never forget the night I was having. It was a bad one, I was in a sad place. When I got your message I honesty don’t even remember (because there has been so many) what it said. But I wanted to talk to you. So we exchanged info and agreed to talk the next day. I thought about you all night. Just curiously of course, knowing that curiosity killed the cat 😉. 

The next day we talked, we talked ALL DAY. I smiled ALL DAY. I hadn’t had a conversation like that in years! We exchanged pics and go figure you were exactly my favorite kinda cookie man ❤️. So I was even more excited lol. Yay!!! I had plans that weekend that had fallen through and I was determined to meet you. A moment of clear insanity and lapse of responsible adult judgment, my little took over at that point. Lol. You set it up. Told me where to meet you, we decided on half way. Plenty of a drive to back out. I thought about it. That morning come and I was like a cartoon throwing EVERYTHING around in my closet trying to figure out what to wear like a crazy girl. The anticipation and the, Gosh, I don’t even know what to call it, the connection was overwhelming. I still think it’s crazy to call it a connection that early lol. Complete insanity!!! So I got in the car and started my drive, messaging you as I was heading that way. Somehow I didn’t doubt that you would be there, I don’t know why I didn’t, cause I don’t really put much merit into people anyway, but I didn’t. I told myself that I was crazy and you were probably a serial killer and that I was going to end up in a hole “putting the lotion on the skin” but the pull of you was just too much for me. Your voice, your smile, your smirks, your eyes, everything kept me driving forward. I couldn’t have said no if I had wanted too. Complete brainwashing 😇😂. I got there, well Siri said I had arrived anyway. He didn’t know how right he was. I talked to myself getting out of the car, telling myself I was crazy, not to do it, lol, this is the way people ended up in suitcases in dumpsters 🤷🏼‍♀️. But I had never done this before either. Then I noticed the lobby had glass walls.... 😒 So I’m thinking now you know I’m crazy cause you’ve seen me talking and pacing the parking lot. Ok, deep breath, head up, big girl panties on, and I walked into the lobby. Didn’t take but a second to spot you. Same sparkly eyes from the video calls and same little smiley smirk. Dammit I was a goner. You gave me my shot to turn around and leave, informed me it was ok. You were perfect. I think I told you I was ok, I was pretty far down that rabbit hole already and I don’t remember what I said. In the elevator you watched me, made me squirm, you knew it would. I’m glad to know you enjoyed it. Got to the door, you gave me another out before we ever walked in. The way you looked at me, the way you smelled, your voice, everything told me that I HAD to walk through that door with you. My nerves were all over the place. I was looking to you for cues, I had no idea what to say or how to act or anything. You smiled and put your hand against my face and I felt EVERYTHING, all at once. You leaned in and kissed me, I almost, like a scared cat, bolted. But instantly as that feeling hit me my knees literally went weak. I think you felt that because you moved me. The dizziness of need and desire, spread all over me. I’ve never wanted someone to touch me so bad in my life. It was surreal, and you were perfect. I’ve never “had lightening strike” like that. I knew my search was over. I knew it was way to premature to even think something so ridiculous and insane. I’d known you existed less than 48 hours. That next 24 hours with you, nothing could compare with. Not the time we have spent since then, as cherished as it is, not the future, as bright as it may be, but that first kiss and that first 24 hours. I knew I was yours. I dont know what I expected to find here daddy, but I would have never had dreamed of you. ❤️🌈🦄🧚‍♂️🧜🏻‍♀️

Im not a stranger to writing but I am a stranger to sharing my writings with others. Guess it’s those ugly self confidence issues that get buried deep and rear their ugly head when you definitely do not need them to. So I’ll start slow with this. 

So this is my blog. Not the first one I’ve had but it is the first one I’ve had on a BDSM site. I imagine the writings might be a touch different. 🤭😂😇

My call sign here is “A lost sub” which I was when I came here, I’m quite sure, and hopeful that that has now changed. So we can at least start this blog out on a happy note. I was introduced to this site a few weeks ago and I think I’ve decided that I’ll keep it. Lol. 

I have made many friends in just the few weeks of being here which is pretty amazing to me. I’ve been other places and sites and I’m really amazed by how helpful and insightful the cage peeps are. Ive followed several blogs and have found an extreme amount of help and encouraging advice. Where I’m at geographically is very absent when it comes to any lifestyle outside of June Cleavers/Stepford wife so it’s fantastic and enlightening to have like minded individuals and not feel like your wondering alone in the dark (Id much rather wonder around in the dark with friends 😉)  Just wanted to give a huge shout out to those that have been such good friends and guides. Thank you!