My bdsm journey started in my late teens. I knew I wasn't normal pretty quickly the more I looked at myself. So I started looking on the internet. The BDSM quiz was my starting point, I figured out from there that I was "different" but I couldn't accept that. I only knew about the submissive side at the time (the way I was expected to act growing up) my alpha like father didn't like it when someone wasn't submissive and still doesn't to this day. Well that changed when I was 17... It was a normal part of my life to be yelled at, have something thrown at me, being punished for "misbehaving" (usually meant the damn leather belt), dodging hits, or just taking the hit to protect my siblings. I snapped, I remember turning around and hitting back. Why? Because I was tired of being stepped on, tired of being walked all over, but most importantly I was tired of being told I wasn't worth anything.
I remember my back being on fire, because he had repeatedly hit me with his belt. It wasn't because I had done something wrong, but because my siblings were "making too much noise"... We were playing chutes and ladders and I would make the woosh sound anytime someone went down a slide and and tip-tip sound everytime someone went up a ladder. I did it because they laughed when I did. That's what I wanted, I wanted them to laugh and have fun and enjoy being kids... They were in front of me, scared to death. For me that was my turning point. I will take all the verbal, physical, and sometimes mental abuse in the world, but when it comes to someone I love and cherish, hell when it comes to someone I would die for. No, hell no. I hit back.
Fast forward 2 years, after I met an "amazing" guy. It was awesome at first. He treated me better than my dad ever did. But then the hits started coming and one day he took it too far. I thought, would I want my kids to be around this? The next day I left. Swore off guys and said fuck you to the world. I knew then I would never be able to submit to anyone again. It goes against my nature.
I retook the bdsm test, and found out that I was a dominant. Took me awhile to wrap my head around that. I also learned I'm a sadist. That wasn't as hard to accept. I'm not particularly proud of that side but it's there.
All that to say, that now... I'm a strong woman. I'm proud of how far I've come. I'm still growing and that's fine with me.
Hope y'all have an amazing day, because I know I will. Thanks for reading! 😎
