Yep, I haven't been keeping up with this. As I have come to face. So time to face the music and explain what's been going on... this ought to be fun 😎.
January started with a bang for me. I got a letter from my employer saying that I was being terminated. Oh, ok.... I kept positive. Things can only get better. Or so I thought.
February came around and my mental health flatlined. I've always dealt with anxiety. I'm an outgoing person, I love being around people. So... have social anxiety came as a shock and having a panic attack in the middle of WALMART came as a very BIG shock. So... I said fuck it and stayed home. Unless I had to go somewhere I didn't.
March arrived with it's normal sass. I ended up going to the store and buying my husband (who we'll call J from now on) his birthday gift by myself and did pretty well for the most part. Until I ran into my Ex (abusive and manipulative jerk). Then I started seeing the signs. I talked it over with J and he's been super supportive of me and is genuinely concerned about my panic attacks becoming more and more of an issue.
April arrived with me waking up screaming in the middle of the night, generally followed by a panic attack. Which scared J alot more than he let on. So much so that he got ahold of my mom and they started talking trying to figure out what to do to help. She lives 3+ states away so she can't come and help. So I agreed to see a psychiatrist.
June comes and I'm apprehensive. My initial visit was coming up and I didn't know how to prepare for any of that jazz. The psychiatrist's office called and canceled the appointment... so I called to reschedule. This happened 4 times. The last time I called I was informed that they were closing the practice and that because I wasn't a patient I wouldn't be getting referred to someone else. I was done by that point. Instead I started doing what I call a dream journal of sorts. Whenever I wake up screaming or just startled I write down what happened and then later I go back and read it. By the time I read it I've generally gotten some sleep. Which has allowed me to figure out why I have been having problems with my anxiety spiraling out of control. Father's Day went rather interestingly. J tripped over a GIANT crack in some concrete and ended up landing on his shoulder. He refused to get it checked out.
July came with some news... Finally convinced J to see someone about his shoulder. We saw a PA who (no offense meant to the wonderful people out there who are actually nice to the people they see) I just about lost it on, ended up causing him an extreme amount of pain in the process of diagnosing it. Refers us to a surgeon saying it's "just slightly fractured" who later informed us that he broke his clavicle all the way through. Complete clean break. (Sorry for the rant) Gave him some pain pills and a sling to stabilize it and said to go home.
August appeared and came with good news J's clavicle is healing at a remarkable rate and they're impressed. Still not completely healed but he is doing so much better... I'm still doing the dream journal, which has helped me so much with controlling my anxiety. (No more panic attacks in Walmart) Yay! 😁
So now y'all are caught up. Sorry for the long post. I'm not going to go and say I'm going to do this and no. I will update this blog as I go. Allowing me to be myself and also allowing me to share with people who may understand me a whole lot better that other have.
Hope y'all have a great day and stay safe! 😊
