Someone who I see as a friend recently pointed out that I am a nurturer. Which left me speechless. Throughout my entire life, I have only heard degrading and insulting names directed at me. If I heard a compliment, later it would be pointed out that the person who said that had no idea what they were talking about and that I was ____ (fill in the blank). So learning how to accept these new words and understand them is something that I am struggling with. I want to believe it, but it has been ingrained into my very being that I am not these things. So as a matter of attempting to get past this barrier in front of me, I'm sharing it. I cannot be the only person who deals with this, so I want to help others and at the same time help myself by expressing this. So here goes, one by one every degrading and insulting thing I see myself as is going to be vanquished.
- Worthless- I am worth more than I realize. My worth is not defined by what others see in me.
- Stupid- Just because I called you out on your shit, does not make me stupid. I am a smart woman who has the potential to do so many things.
- Emotionless- Just because my walls are high and my circle is small does not make me emotionless. My emotions are hidden from the world, simply because I am tired of being manipulated and hurt.
- Insignificant- I am loved and cherished by many, more than I am even aware of. Just because you see me as such, does not make it true.
- Coward- I am NOT afraid to stand up for what I believe in, if anything my silence is not an example of cowardliness it is in fact an example of patience. If I've managed to keep my mouth shut there is a reason. I hate conflict. I detest it so much, it is the root of many scars I carry and I try and avoid it like the plague.
- Failure- Just because my life didn't go the way you thought it should, or I made choices you disagree with. Does not make me a failure in ANY way.
- Weak- I am not weak. I may take the abuse, but I do it to protect the ones who need protected. I'll take the hit (physical or mental) if it means that my loved ones are safe. However, that does not make me weak, I am the furthest thing from weak.
These are only a few of the ones that I've heard throughout my life. There may be another part to this one eventually, but for now I need to stop.
I hope everyone is having a great day, and that y'all stay safe as well. Til' next time! ?