It's crazy to me how quickly time flies. A lot has happened since the last time I updated. For starters, I had a job literally handed to me simply because I knew what I was and currently am doing. I'm back to working as a home health aide, the pay has improved, the hours are amazing, and above all the client is on the most happy go lucky people I have ever met. He always brings a smile to my face. Oh, and did I mention I walk to work? I do. Two apartments away from mine is where I work. It's amazing!
Not so amazing news... J's shoulder is STILL not healed. We go back this next week to see if it's made any progress other than bridging the break. I'm hoping for some good news. The logical pessimistic side is telling me that based off of the increased pain, the increased swelling, and just overall soreness in that specific area... probably hasn't healed much... Especially considering how my car won't start. My car, which is a giant pain in my rear, is the perfect height for J to get into comfortably while his shoulder is still healing, and the rest of his body adjusting to everything else he's been through. However, since I have no idea what's wrong with it, and am currently waiting on getting paid to get it checked out. So we've been relying on his dad, who drives a truck that you have to step up into. Which is hard for J because he has to use his left shoulder to get in. ...So there is a slight possibility that he has injured it further since the last orthopedic visit.
For those who are curious about the car. Here ya go: I have checked the battery, the starter. the fuses, the grounding wire (apparently a problem with that make and model), the sparkplugs. Nothing. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. It makes absolutely no noise when you turn the key in the ignition. I hate it. Not trying to complain, but I miss my old car. I knew what was wrong with it. This thing... not so much. You put the key in the ignition and turn it, no noise. No thumping, or attempted starts. NADA. So I wait to take it to a mechanic who is going to charge me $100 just to tell me what's wrong with it. Hence the reason I'm waiting to get paid. Oy vey. (MidnightKoneko you're starting to rub off on me :P)
How's everyone been holding up during these crazy times? Hopefully y'all have been staying in and wearing MASKS when you're required to. I live in an area where we are REQUIRED to wear them inside all businesses. It bugs me when I'm doing my part to not get it or spread it and I see people get mad because they're being told that they need to wear a mask and they cause a huge fuss. There's my rant on that.
It's amazing how different things make different emotions spring to life, something I'm still attempting to understand. Not going to lie, it's annoying not understanding what some of the things I'm feeling are. Let alone admitting I feel anything. I'm getting there. I've been listening to a song called Older by Sasha Sloan. Moving through memories has been interesting. I reached a really big part recently. I allowed myself to remember everything on that night. I know no longer blame myself. I know what happened. Some days my demons try to grab me and drag me down. I've learned to embrace them and remember that at the end of the day it's not my fault. I hope somewhere, somehow. My journey helps someone in some way. Whether it's knowing that they aren't alone. Or even just learning from my experiences. I hope it helps.
Older by Sasha Sloan-
"I used to shut my door,
while my mother screamed in the kitchen.
I'd turn the music up,
get high and try not to listen.
To every little fight,
Cause neither one was right.
I swore I'd never be like them,
but I was just a kid back then.
The older I get,
the more that I see.
My parents aren't heroes,
they're just like me.
Lovin' is hard,
it don't always work.
You just try your best,
not to get hurt.
I used to be mad,
but now I know.
Sometimes it's better,
to let someone go.
It just hadn't hit me yet,
The older I get..."
Have a great week guys. Stay safe, sane, but most importantly be yourself. Don't change who you are for anyone. Remember the values you have and remember why you have them. Don't lose sight of who you are, because at the end of the day. Being yourself brings you so much happiness compared to the suffering you put yourself through when you're not. Bye! 😁