The lonely fat girl is laying here wide awake again. She is trying to fight back the demons. She's trying not to let the memories creep in. The violation of her body over and over again by a man who said loved her. And it wasn't the beautiful exchange shared between a Dom and his sub. No, this all happened long before the lonely fat girl knew anything about this world.
No, this was a man who reveled in the idea of scaring the lonely fat girl. He got off on abusing her to control her. The only consistent thing the lonely fat girl knew during those six months was the certainty that she would be beat and raped at some point during the day. Yes, every day, for around 6 months.
He was good. He knew where to punch. He knew where to kick. He knew where to beat the lonely fat girl. No one ever saw the bruises. Not until that last week. When the lonely fat girl's angel appeared. The angel was her friend. He also happened to be a cop she worked with. Her shirt came untucked when she bent over to pick something up. The angel saw the bruises. He understood domestic violence. He understood why the lonely fat girl hadn't told him. The angel understood why the lonely fat girl endured because the fear of death was even stronger. The angel helped the lonely fat girl get free.
The lonely fat girl wasn't fat back then. She was actually very fit. She weighed around 160 pounds. She ran at least five miles a day. She was proud of her body. She had discovered her physical strength. She was discovering how much she could push herself. She was contemplating training for a marathon. He took all that away from the lonely fat girl.
The lonely fat girl has done the work. She has seen the therapist. She has gone through treatment to lessen the nightmares and limit the triggers. But it's not all gone.
A person can see the trauma and hurt on the lonely fat girl's body. She has gained so much in the last 20 years. She tries to lose. When she does she is able to get a little ways, but then someone says something to her. They acknowledge the weight loss. Then she spirals. She gains the weight back and then some. The lonely fat girl never realizes it until it's too late. But it happens. Because subconsciously she equates being raped and beaten with being thin.
The lonely fat girl has another procedure she must endure tomorrow. It typically is fairly easy. Not comfortable for women, but endurable. Unfortunately for the lonely fat girl it will be awful. She has to again fight the demons to get through it. She has to try not to remember the horrible memories. The lonely fat girl hopes she can stay out of little space until she gets home afterwards.
In her mind, the lonely fat girl knows the procedures are not meant to traumatize her. But her heart can't seperate the two. When they took the biposy a couple weeks ago she kept visioning him thrusting so hard into her. Taking the lonely fat girl's virginity with him. And the lonely fat girl kept imagining every time he would ram himself into her. The pain, the tearing, the bleeding afterwards. And his horrible, horrible laugh when he saw her curl up into a ball and cry.
They have to take more from the lonely fat girl tomorrow. There will be more horrible memories. There will be more nightmares. The doctor is good. She is kind and gentle and patient. But she can't stop the demons.
The lonely fat girl needs Daddy. She needs to be able to process all of this. She needs to be little for a while and still feel safe. The lonely fat girl will endure alone, but the process takes so much longer. It's so much harder to do.
The lonely fat girl is strong. She can survive. She will continue to survive.
