This process is so difficult. It takes so much energy. She wonders sometimes if potential dominants really understand what a submissive is giving just to start the process with you. She has gone down this road so many times. She hears the words, “I’m different!” “I’m not him!” “I take this seriously” “I will be honest with you” “I won’t play games” “Trust me”. She wants to trust. She wants to believe this time will be different. Especially as she continues to talk with you. Especially when she feels like there is a connection. She opens her heart. She starts to tell you her secrets. She starts to tell you her fears. She tells you what all of this means for us. She has amazing phone calls with you. She thinks you are connecting too. Her mind starts to go there. Maybe you are different. Maybe you do take this seriously. Maybe you aren’t going to play games. Maybe we really can trust you.
I don’t think dominants understand the kind of bond she quickly develops with you. She must start giving herself much quicker than you do. Because her trust in you is very different than the trust you place in her. Especially in the beginning. So she tries. She tries so hard to be open. To hear your words and not let the past hurts affect what she thinks of you.
But then it changes. Then you fucking ghost. She hates ghosting. All the time spent talking. Did that really mean so little to you? Why can’t you just pick up the phone and say sorry but I just don’t think this is going to work. Instead the insecurities boil over. She doesn’t want to message you repeatedly because she doesn’t want to scare you away if you just need some space. She doesn’t want to lose you. She doesn’t want to have to start the process all over again. All the ugly thoughts. That she’s worthless. That she’s too fat. That she has too many demons. That she is only a consolation prize. That she doesn’t deserve to find her Daddy. She worries about you! What if something happened? Are you ok? No one would even know to tell her.
You don’t care about how you have made her feel. You’ve decided you’ve had enough and that it’s time to find someone else to mess with. You didn’t have to develop that bond the way she did.
She may be willing to submit to the right one and be his fucktoy. She may give you her body to use however you want. That doesn’t mean you get to make her mind and heart a fucktoy. That’s not a daddy. That’s not a dominant. That’s a cruel man who just wants to abuse.
Dammit! Why did you have to fucking ghost?
