I have been pondering on many things here, one being that some things are not meant to be. In this online world there are too many unknowns and uncertainties. The stakes are higher than in the vanilla world and the losses much greater that I question more and more the validity and the nature of this lifestyle.
I am still trying to understand how many can live with themselves behind their lies and deceit when they are involved in a so called exclusive dynamic, but they are intentionally engaging with others and not telling them of being in a dynamic. I’m not referring to having conversations or being friendly, I mean deliberately pursuing others.
Where is the openness, honesty, transparency, integrity, courtesy and respect? Is this too much to ask or expect in a world where you are to hand over your life and well-being? Where I am supposed to entrust myself to you. How would I, if none of the above are there?
This may be a game for some, a pass-time, something to do for fun or occasionally and do not want to seriously commit or interested in long-term. If that is the case, for fuck sake, say it. In my eyes, a Dom has character and the balls to be a Man enough to say what he wants and is interested in or doesn’t even want, is not afraid to express it and not dance around the mulberry bush. He is secure and confident in himself to not be arrogate, condensing, or confrontational able to say when something is not going any further, respectfully, and want to pursue other options and NOT do it while still in a so-called committed dynamic. Because how in the hell can I put my trust in someone like that - a liar and cheat? This is MY life, it is NOT a game for me.
My apologies for the tirade. Reading what has been occurs for here lately with too many, on both sides of the coin, makes me question why am I here? Am I better off in the vanilla world and hope that whom ever I meet may have the same the desires. Because it seems like in both worlds, it is like trying to find a needle in the haystack. Don’t get me wrong, I have talked to some very wonderful Doms here, we just don’t connect or we are on different paths in our journey.
Maybe it is not meant to be, for now.