Truth be told

Navigating this world I am finding more and more that those who say they have integrity, are committed, believe in honest communication and look to build trust are so full of shit. Coming across people who say they are not involved but do have a partner (in the lifestyle) and are having conversations outside the dynamic that are inappropriate, is not right! It’s one thing to have a conversation about the lifestyle and have discussions, but to explicitly be telling someone how you would be their Dom and what you would expect of them as your submissive while telling them you are not involved - Hello…it IS fucking cheating. 

Where is the honesty and integrity then? If you lie about one thing, there are more lies to follow. How could you be trusted? You are confronted with the facts and have no shame because you continue to do what you do by waiting for the next sub to land in your inbox. Shame on you! That is not integrity or the actions of a true real Dom. Your approach is slick and smooth. It won’t be long before it blows up in your face. Do you ever think of what you are doing to your partner? 

I am beginning to wonder if all of this is a sham and a way for someone to manipulate and get into someone’s pants. Is any of this worth the time and heartache? Bad enough having to deal with this in the vanilla world.

I read blogs that are inspiring on here, in turn giving me hope until that dream is blown out of the waters by liars, especially cheaters. It’s a sore spot for me. 

My apologies for this post but I am getting fed up. 

Rant over…

I have a friend who I have known since my late teens. He has been more than a friend at times. We could have been an item but the timing has never worked out for us. We have kept and maintained our friendship throughout the years and getting together on occasion. 

It had been almost a year since we last seen each other because of the pandemic. We had dinner recently to catch up on life. This guy makes my panties melt after all these years. I see him and I just want to jump him. He stirs up all these feelings that I had to close off because we will never be, but damn! 

During our dinner conversation, like always, we end up talking about sex. He is not aware that I am a submissive but I think he has some inclination, and maybe thinks I might be a Domme. He’s told me on several occasions that he’d be my bitch. That would be fine and dandy, but he is so far from the truth. I asked him about what were his fantasies and he would not spill it out other than the general wanting a three some. All the while we are talking my pussy was wet and all I could think of was him slipping his hand under the table and playing with my cunt leaning in to whisper and tell me how he’s going to feast on me afterwards, how he’s going to fuck me so good and hard that I am going to feel him for days. I had to close my legs tightly, it was getting hard to finish my dinner. Watching him talk, I had a flash back of the last time we were together and he had me bent over his office desk plowing into me feeling his huge hard cock that I have missed and having the urge to climb under the table, get on my knees and suck his dick right there and then as he grabbed my hair with a smile on his face as I swallow his cum. It didn’t help that I had a drink and was buzzing feeling frisky.He noticed and had a grin on his face. He’s sexy as hell when he gives me that look. 

Several hours later we departed separately and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him and wanting to submit to him. I know he is not a Dom and is a submissive himself. The signs are there and he tells I can do whatever I want to him and that he’d like it. NOOOO, it’s me that wants you to do whatever to me.

Such my luck to find have the perfect guy as a friend and with benefits, but he is not a Dom. Maybe we can role play. A conversation for our next dinner ;)

When you start things off with a half or twisted truth, it is a lie. As time goes on and you add another lie and you begin to build upon those lies you will trip up. 

I am trying to wrap my head around the so called notion in this lifestyle of being open, honest, and truthful that appear to be almost non-existing or lacks greatly for some. I simply do not understand why lie even with the smallest of things. 

I had been talking to a Dom for a few months. We hit it off. We talked about general life things, the basic about ourselves and our profiles. One thing I am very good at and is part of my job, is being detailed oriented and listening. While things did not pan out because we were on different pages of our journey, he stopped taking to me. I was not hurt in the least and had told him we should part ways wishing him all the best and if he still wished to talk and be friends, I was there. That did not appear to be the case after all and have not to heard from him since. 

One day out of curiosity, I was wondering how he was doing and stopped by his profile and noticed it had been updated. And right there in my face, his real age. Really?! And it was not a typo, since the age conversation was had. The kicker was that he is older and I had told him I prefer my men to be. Again, why lie (rhetorical question here)? Not that it matters, Now I wonder what else he lied about.

Therefore, if you are going to lie, keep track of them would ya or don’t get caught. Better yet, don’t do it, grow up and be a man if you’re going to call yourself a Dom and tell the truth because once you tell a lie and get caught, you’ve already planted the seed of distrust and then it’s over.

Everything eventually comes to light...

I haven’t been here for awhile, taking a short hiatus to re-prioritize what I want and need in my life. Starting with the following:

I am declaring what will be into existence...

I will find my Master.

He will be the one that I chose to give my submission.

He will be the one that I will submit my whole existence to.

Talking with some one recently I mentioned my interest in starting off as friends. He also indicated that he was interested in being  “friends” as well wanting to get to know someone first and see where things led down the road. Sounded good to me.

It would appear that we had different definitions for what “friends” meant. Mine which was discussed in detail - no play, no nudes, or in person sex. His - let’s meet and see if we have any chemistry and go from from there. 

Definitely a “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” moment. It has not upset me in the least, but has amused me instead. 

Shaking my head...moving on. Lol

You haunt me wondering what if or what could have been. Your words embedded in my head where I am failing to erase them. They are whispers that have become a reminder of what I want and to never settle. One day, those lies will catch up to you. 

More often than not, we read here about the wannabes, fakes, pseudo-doms, and insta-doms which many of us have had the unfortunate experience and encounters. 

Then...there are the real Doms here who don’t always comment or blog, but read and don’t know who they are until they reach out to you. 

Why am I writing this or have to do with anything? It has to do a lot when you are contact by Doms who show concern about your well-being after Reading your blog (s) and offer an ear, words of encouragement and/or advice,  NEVER crossing any lines and showing respect.

To those real Doms who do exist out there, thank you for genuinely caring and looking out for us.  You give me hope knowing that I will find my own real Dom some day.

Aside for the obvious need of discretion for some, what I do not understand is if you are in a committed exclusive dynamic - why are you hiding and deny being in relationship, while your partner is in the dark thinking you are not engaging in misleading conversation with others? That is lying. That person does not deserve to be treated that way, nor the one (s) you are talking to. That makes you just as bad as the fake doms using the person and the others you converse with. What are you stroking your ego or need validation? Do not think that for one minute that because you know how to dom, it makes you a dom. I do not know whether to have pitty or be outraged. However, no one deserves to be lied on either end.

I have seen Doms and subs on here who publicly display their collar to show their commitment. I understand that there are instances as to when it would be best not to due to individuals past relationship on here that have not turned out well and circumstances where a dynamic may have its reasons for not putting their names beside each other, however, some of the reasons I wonder how truly valid are they.  A blog was posted about Inquiring minds wanting to know if collars were put beside profile names, how many would be the same. *Raises hand* 

YOU - hiding behind your screen and keyboard messaging other subs while you have one - your dishonesty and lies will catch up to you. Karma is a bitch and will slap you hard. Even a good con-artist and liar slips up and gets caught. Word will get to her eventually...stop hiding.

I have been pondering on many things here, one being that some things are not meant to be. In this online world there are too many unknowns and uncertainties. The stakes are higher than in the vanilla world and the losses much greater that I question more and more the validity and the nature of this lifestyle.

I am still trying to understand how many can live with themselves behind their lies and deceit when they are involved in a so called exclusive dynamic, but they are intentionally engaging with others and not telling them of being in a dynamic. I’m not referring to having conversations or being friendly, I mean deliberately pursuing others.

Where is the openness, honesty, transparency, integrity, courtesy and respect? Is this too much to ask or expect in a world where you are to hand over your life and well-being? Where I am supposed to entrust myself to you. How would I, if none of the above are there? 

This may be a game for some, a pass-time, something to do for fun or occasionally and do not want to seriously commit or interested in long-term. If that is the case, for fuck sake, say it. In my eyes, a Dom has character and the balls to be a Man enough to say what he wants and is interested in or doesn’t even want, is not afraid to express it and not dance around the mulberry bush. He is secure and confident in himself to not be arrogate, condensing, or confrontational able to say when something is not going any further, respectfully, and want to pursue other options and NOT do it while still in a so-called committed dynamic. Because how in the hell can I put my trust in someone like that - a liar and cheat? This is MY life, it is NOT a game for me. 

My apologies for the tirade. Reading what has been occurs for here lately with too many, on both sides of the coin, makes me question why am I here? Am I better off in the vanilla world and hope that whom ever I meet may have the same the desires. Because it seems like in both worlds, it is like trying to find a needle in the haystack. Don’t get me wrong, I have talked to some very wonderful Doms here, we just don’t connect or we are on different paths in our journey. 

Maybe it is not meant to be, for now.

They say to hold onto hope and have faith which can be hard on a journey where you encounter unpleasant experiences that leave you losing hope and faith.

I appreciate those who share their journey here  that give a glimpse of that hope still being out there and not all is lost. 


I may want what I want when I want it, but I am learning to patient and that at the right time, moment, and place either he will find me or I will find him. Those who have come before him are only preparing the way for him.

Hope, Going to hold onto to it a little longer.