First off this is not about my current Dom because he is truly amazing.. but seeing as my ex Dom was just released from prison for something he did to me without consent. I really want to be able to use my hurt. My pain. My wounds and help others. No one should have to live in the fear depression and self hate I did. No one
This will probably be ongoing as I learn more about myself and warning signs which should have told me to run from the beginning. So I'm putting these out there for others but also myself.
1. They dont know what a safe word is.
I understand there are people new to the kink community but if you are talking to a Dom who claims he has been a Dom for 20 plus years or even just one year and doesn't know what a safe word is. Houston you probably have a problem on your hands.
2. They think safe words are stupid.
Now now I will say me my Dom dont use our safe word unless ABSOLUTE emergency but we have amazing communication both verbal and non verbal and I'm completely safe. But any Dom who says safe words are stupid or not needed or childish. Please run. Safe words are safe words for a reason. They keep us safe. Not because we are hurt emotionally but because sometimes Doms checkout mentally and go too far.
3. They decide that if you sign a contract and want to change something then you should be punished.
We are all people. Changing. Evolving. Finding ourselves. Consent should always be number one which means if a contract doesnt have something as a limit and you realize after playing that you dont feel safe doing it. The contract should be changed. Or for me for example with an abuse history. Sometimes I cant do certain sexual acts due to flashbacks and I cant tell you how many doms then punish me for it.
4. The punishment doesn't fit the crime.
If you forget to say Sir or Master and are punished to the same level as if you I don't know lie or something more serious then you should be cautious. I am all for a strict Dom. I love them and am attracted highly to it. But it's important that you arent severely punished for every tiny infraction. Trust me. You will lose your love and feeling of safety with your Dom.
5. They restrict affection.
This is a good sign emotional abuse is coming. If a Dom is willing to not talk to you for days or not touch you then that to me isnt love. Its hurtful and damages the relationship.
As with all things these have to do with me and what I've seen happen before the fine line between bdsm and abuse was crossed. And I think its important to share my experience to help others. And yes. Slave or submissive or little or pet. If your Dom is abusing you. If you feel unloved and unsafe you can leave. I did. And it saved my life and provided me the most amazing Dom I'm now honored to say owns me.
