Hello. First let me introduce myself. I am...what I consider a new sub. Less than 2 years of experience and still discovering what I like. What I dont. Who to trust. And who I am.
I have always wanted to help educate and teach from the lessons I've learned on my journey in bdsm but my profession makes that difficult. So I figured here...behind the mask of a computer screen. I could make that dream come true. Some blogs may be lessons. Some just writing's about or to my amazing Sir. But all will be here to help me share my experience and perhaps through that help others.
So quick post today is about finding your submission and those moments you question if your submissive.
You can take as many bdsm test as you want. Read as many definitions of submission. Watch bdsm videos (no 50 shades of grey doesnt count) but there will likey come a time when you question whether this is your lifestyle. Your place. Or what you want in life.
This happened to me recently before being collared by my Sir. I had been through a lot of hurt from Doms. Ones who saw my brattiness as an excuse to abuse me or my submission as a way to use me without having to love me. Neither was effective and neither made me feel worthy of love or kindness.
I clung onto the hope that the feelings I had at first with my first Dom. Where I felt like something clicked. Something made sense. That I'd found my missing link. I held onto hope that made sense. That was my hope and faith. But then my own Dom and the ones to follow made me wonder if submitting just meant being abused.
I read and saw and heard and even for a short time experienced the beauty of submission. So what was wrong with me. What made me not worthy of it. Was I a bad submissive. Too bratty. Not attractive. Something must be wrong with me if my submission meant pain and anger and hate. Something was wrong with me. But I knew. I knew at my core with the right Dom. The right leader. The right Sir. I knew I could feel complete.
Enter my Sir. A man who makes me feel loved. Who makes my world whole. Who makes my heart skip beats. My mind stop racing. Who makes me feel whole again. And wearing his collar now I realize just how lucky I am. And can finally say I'm submissive. A brat still yes. But fully submissive. How? Why? Because in His hands I could be crushed. My heart shattered. But I give myself completely anyway. Because I know He has the power to crush me. But will only ever love me. And even though it's scary. Even though every moment I question when He will leave. Or if I'm good enough for Him. I fully surrender my body to Him because I know with Him I am safe.
So if you are questioning your submission. Wondering what's wrong with you. Please realize it's nothing. You arent the issue. If you know you want to give yourself away. Give your Dom the person you are now for the person you will become tomorrow. Then realize it's not you. Was never you. You just havent find your Sir..and the path to find Him will be worth it in the end.
