For the last three years every summer I'm on here doing an excited month long countdown to when I'm on a plane. It is something I really look forward to.
This year I've been ... silent... this year there has been no countdown. That's not to say there is no trip... just no excited build up to getting on a plane.
Like we've all been keenly aware the world is in some complicated places... and my life is in extremely complicated places. A month ago we knew when I was getting on a plane. We were excited.
Three weeks ago it got shaky... two weeks ago I told him not to be cautiously optimistic... last week we both looked at each other and said: "Well, this is going to be dicey." .... I wrote a message to all of O/our family and explained that no one should get their hopes up until my plane lands in France. Anything up until that is really a roll of the dice. I asked for prayers.
Yesterday I was packing. As the hours counted down I couldn't help it, I was so excited! 12 hours to go (clean the house), 10 hours to go (time to pack!) 5 hours to go (time for a shower!) 3 hours to go (do my nails and hair!) 2 hours to go... (call my mom)
I'm on the phone with my mom and I say "Wish me happy birthday, just incase" ... (she doesn't watch the news, she's too old and it scares her) I may not be able to call mom, I'll be on a plane. Don't worry until Saturday. You will hear from me on Saturday. If your phone is being silly I'll call aunt and she will tell the nurses' station that I landed and am with Him. As I'm saying that a message from Him... "I need to talk to you quickly!" "Mom, I gotta go. Time to get on a plane. I love you!"
I hop onto our video and He is rushing to get dressed. I start to apologize for being so long on the call... "Well, things went sideways. I just got the notification that your flight was cancelled" .......... Do you remember the "This is a Test of the Emergency Broadcasting System beep with the bars of color on the screen... that's what my brain did.
I couldn't even comprehend the words He just said. I didn't cry. I couldn't cry. "I've already cancelled golf. I'm going to call them now and see what's going on and try to sort it."
Purple screen as He hops on a call. I didn't need to ask Him. I couldn't ask Him. I couldn't even talk.
I navigated to the News... nothing.
I navigated to the airport here... (everything to that minute had landed and departed). I navigated to FlightAware to see if there were any airspace closures that I could see. No... well, at least not yet. I mean, this JUST happened... so maybe I wouldn't see it yet.
I finally navigated to the Charles De Gaulle Airport... the flight LEAVING had never LEFT... hmm... okay...
I think that is the first time my brain processed anything even remotely functional and I think I'm surprised that I hadn't passed out from lack of oxygen as I'm pretty sure breathing was beyond my capacity too. I remember thinking somewhere in there "I missed it by WHAT... one flight... I missed my chance and I'm stuck."
"I'm on with them, we are looking for a rebooking... I'm going to try to keep your Premium. We did upgrade to Premium right" "Yes, Sir... but I really don't care. I just need to get Home to You. ... well, bags. The bags will be important. (I'm beginning to move my important things from here to there. This trip I'm flying with the 10 things that matter to me. I have exactly 10 physical things that matter in my life. Nothing else matters. All of them are moving across the Atlantic this summer. )
Success. I'm booked on the same exact flight *theoretically* just one day later. My layover in Montreal may be *incredibly* tight... especially since I'll have to claim my bags to go through border security then go back up and out of security to recheck them in at Westjet and then go back through security... it will be a run... but in theory I will still get home tomorrow on my birthday.
As we drifted off to sleep several hours later I told Him ... I don't think I'm capable of getting excited. I think I'll start to get excited when I land in France. Not before. He understood.
All of that was awful and scary and stressful... but at the same time it was one more time I could honestly thank Him from the bottom of my heart for just handling it. It was beyond my ability in the moment. I had no way. I didn't even need to ask. He had it.
I had nothing in my house to eat because I've already cleaned everything out. I don't leave anything for any buggies to find... except I had enough milk for coffee (I had too much for coffee, but I was going to give it to my doorman on the way out) (major cultural difference... if you live in a first world country let it go) and I had a single box of the mac n cheese He sent me home with last summer. I had saved it always thinking "there could be a day I need Him more" ... to this afternoon I'm eating the mac n cheese and drinking the coffee that I share with Him... and I'm trying to keep believing that today I'll get on a plane and I'll land in France and then I'll eventually make it Home. Today the things that matter to me will get to go live at Home. Today I will hug Him for my birthday.
Yes, some plans had to get cancelled ... I'm a little sad about it, but honestly, the bigger present is that He is always there to help me carry it and I'm not alone. I have a Home. I am His, and He has got me.
~His very grateful slaveMikayla
I hope You never get tired of me telling You how much i appreciate You, or how grateful I am that You exist in my life. I miss You so freaking much and I can not wait to be Home for all that means. I am looking forward to tying Your shoe.