This is not an April Fools joke, it wouldn't be funny if it were.
I'm sharing this because had it not just happened to me, I would not have believed it possible.
I know that there are a few people on here, who, like me, have been kicked down the street and back in their past.
So to make this very brief... I was married at 18 and had a child at 19. I was all in on my marriage, but on our 1 year anniversary I found out that he wasnt. It was deeply painful. However, as a direct result of that I found myself as a submissive.
Lots of terrible nasty acrimoniousness followed... a divorce, and the loss of my son. I have spent the last 18 years feeling SO ANGRY. SO HURT. SO WRONGED. I was. I was wronged. That does not change.
I have had no reason to have any contact with my exhusband in the last nearly 9 years. I think the last time I saw him was walking out of a hotel loby when he dropped off our son for a visit when he was 11.
This year my Master has sent the intention that it would be "a year of transformation". We are in the midst of fasting and praying together for Ramadan. One of the things that He set as an intention for me (and U/us) was not to be afraid of opportunities which showed up; opportunities for growth and healing.
Two days ago as I was getting ready to host a dinner for my students I was cleaning out my old email and I stopped short when I saw a profile picture of my ex husband. ... It took me about 18 hours to decide what to say, or if I should say anything at all. Then I wrote an email.
In the email I simply sought to acknowledge *her* and tell her that at one point in time when we were young she told me something about herself that must have taken courage. I took it sincerely in the context it was presented, but I never pressed the issue. Clearly, I did not do enough or offer enough help or support at the time, because it took her a further half of her life to make whatever changes and realize whatever she needed to to decide to be who she told me she was. I wished her well, happiness, and peace.
A few hours later I received a reply. It acknowledged that I had asked for no reply, but in the interest of mutual healing, she felt she owed me an apology in return. She thanked me for my acknowledgement and apologized for the hurt that she caused me. She apologized for not loving me how I needed to be loved. She did NOT apologize for the damage in relation to our son, I'm conscious of this... but I was grateful for what was offered.
When I wrote the email it was not to get "closure" it wasn't for or about me. So when I received the reply I did, it was much more deeply felt, spontaneous if you will. Thus felt more sincerely.
We will not be friends. We will not communicate again. However I can acknowledge that today I feel just a little less internally angry.
It took 18 years to have a sincere conversation. It took 18 years to give and receive any kind of acknowledgement or apology. I'm glad to feel just a little less angry.
~His Mikayla
