A path is only a path, it is not inherently good or bad, right or wrong. It is simply a path. There is no harm in walking a path to its end, wherever that may be, and however long it takes. The only difference is in the heart of the path. A path with a heart is a joy to walk. It takes no difficulty. A path with no heart will drain you to the point that when you realize it is the wrong path, it has nearly killed you. Find the path with a heart. (concept by Carlos Castenada )
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
All of this we have heard before… at least I have… but it’s no easier to distinguish the paths and the purposes. At least not for me. At least it *wasn’t.*
I’ve been very quiet the last year and a half comparatively to how I was for the decade and a half prior.
For the last few years I’ve been walking a path that at the outset looked so very similar to all other paths. I had hope. I saw potential. I was, as I always am, optimistic that it could be beneficial… but let’s be real there was no hallelujah chorus singing or anything… there was nothing to give me any reason to say “THIS… THIS will be DIFFERENT!”
Not even the journey itself was remarkably different. I am who I have always been. I am me. I grow… I work hard… but the mettle of me is not different. Neither was He. He is an amazing man, don’t get me wrong… but then, so was every single other person I’d let into my life. Everyone had a REASON… a “draw”.
The only standout difference was the method by which we approached the journey. I’ve been in more D/s relationships than I’d like to count, mostly long term, a few short lived. Quite a few in person, and a few that never made it off the ground so to speak… and all of them taught me things… yet like the concept above, all of them took something from me, wounded me, to varying degrees.
Many of them had common paths, and I just thought “this is what it’s supposed to look like” because it’s what every relationship I respected looked like. That is until Him. Standing at the start, it looked like every other path…. But around each twist and turn that is where the differences have shown up. Now, standing where I am I can say that this path looks NOTHING like any of the other paths. The rest looked the same because they were all the same in one regard… they were not paths with a heart.
Make no mistake, He and I have been paths without a heart for others… it is not something unique to him, or to me… it is just that this path for the two of us does not drain us, but builds, constantly. I have literally had a previous D type tell me that he was an ink pen run dry, and you could get no more ink out of a dry pen… I was his path without a heart.
MstrJ and I loved to attend workshops together, it allowed us to talk about new ideas and explore what they might mean individually and collectively. One of the best ones we ever attended was called Trauma and the Incoming Slave. We did a lot of talking about how important the concepts were.
There is a reason that I’ve not shared a ton of the ins and outs of O/our path here, and it is because of the above understandings…. This path only has a heart because it is U/us and O/our path. It isn’t a roadmap for anyone else. Were you, whoever you are, to try and journey on this path it would do nothing for you. No one can tell him how to Master me, and I can not advise anyone how to look for a “good Dominant” … I’m sorry, but at this point in my journey I truly with all my heart of hearts believe that. What I CAN say is that there was one best piece of advice given to me by a Master I still respect with all my heart; MasterArach. One day he chided me and told me I will paraphrase… “You can’t submit that which you don’t fully own. How can you expect someone to Master you when you can not even define what it is you want. I’d rather be served one single day by a Woman of Worth” . He was discussing the fact that I hadn’t done enough work to be able to list my own needs. I was focusing too much on what I could give, and not enough on what I needed in return. The point being that by so doing I was constantly running on empty myself, and being bled dry, I was constantly “reaching” for energy from my D type which then in turn drained them. I can’t claim that he absolutely KNEW that that was a problem in my path… but it was; NOW I know it was.
So I embarked upon the Needs List project. I looked at every past relationship and every memory I held dear in order to identify what was it that I actually valued and needed in a relationship. Long after this relationship was on its path MasterArach asked me if I would consider revisiting it and acknowledging how it was that MstrJ touched these needs. He said THAT would be a worthwhile read. I have not been ready to do that yet, but I think it’s just about that time.
In 24 days I will be going Home for 2 months. W/we have had time together, several times now… but this feels big and important. Two months feels different. I’m excited. I’m relieved. I’m happy. I’m at peace.
So I’m going to revisit the needs series, but I may deviate and add along the way. So for today I begin by acknowledging that He is my path with a Heart.
I’d also like to point out that people misquote this poem all the time, and it is NECESSARY to correct that.
The Road Not Taken
BY ROBERT FROST
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the traveler looks at the paths at the outset he notes that there is NO significant difference. It is NOT less travelled. It is NOT visibly different at all, aside from the clarity of ability to see. It is only in the looking back that the traveler says it was less travelled by, and better, but from the outset, that was unclear.
When you begin your path you have no way to know if it will be a path with a heart or a path that will drain you. There is NO shame in travering any path, the only shame comes when you know it has no heart, and yet you fear to break from it.
I hope we all find our path with a heart.
MstrJ, I can only thank You for being exactly who You are, who You have always been. I can only thank You for seeing me, and needing me, exactly who I have always been.
His slaveMikayla,
Delilah girl,
always, Faith
