So... been back two weeks and every single atom of my being screams "shuddup have not!" I don't want to be back. I don't want to be away. It doesnt feel like two weeks at all. I'm still grieving the loss, but at the same time I have some small and large joys to share *quickly*.
ok I lie, they are all large joys.
#1 I love his mom. We cried together the morning I was going back. #win.
#2 I already have my ticket for the summer, purchased cash. Done.
#3 I get to be there again for my birthday and His.
#4 His female family and I are doing the mudgirl race together this year ^_^
#5 fuck I love this Man.
Soooooo for those people still searching for your Person... please don't give up. It exists. It isnt a mythical rainbow climbing unicorn... it exists. If I could give my younger self just a snapshot of how it feels to "fit" effortlessly ... how it feels to find this... it would be the greatest gift I could give myself.
Last night while dealing with business and stress and incompetent people He had this moment where He said "Ya know, I'm just going to keep my hand on your forearm while I'm handling frustrating people, and when I'm 100% done with them I'm going to take my hand off your arm and just let you go for it." My reply was to literally well up with tears and laughter and say "marry me.". So.... He is the most patient polite person I know, EVEN when dealing with absolute insane incompetence. I on the other hand have no qualms with VERY poliely and calmly explaining to someone how much of a moron they are being, and exactly WHY the thing they are doing makes ZERO sense and if they can't manage to do their job with some semblance of logic.. please direct me to someone who can. .... I can be a very Tiger Mama type person.... and this has rubbed past D types wrong. Typically THEY expect to be the Tiger protector person. ^__^.... here's the thing. He handles business better. He handles stress better. He handles decisions better.... but he is so freaking calm and polite and understanding.... even when someone literally can't do their job that they were trained and paid to do. <I> don't handle stress nearly as well. I don't handle decisions nearly as well. I don't handle unknowns AT ALL. I need Him. .... W/we work. YES, this is still a very functional D/s relationship. Why? Cause of His decision to put His hand on my arm.... or unleash Tiger momma.
*happy sigh*... Yes, that is valid M/s. No slaves do not cease to have a brain, an opinion, and a way to speak their mind.
One of my favorite couples ever ended up in a situation where that very fact was the sustaining factor. They were together YEARS. Then within 1 year of her moving to Him He was diagnosed with rapidly progressing Lou Gerigs. She took care of Him as He lost His ability to function... up until the last minute He could move a finger or speak a word she relied and deferred to His direction, and when He lost that ability she took all she knew of Him and His past directives until the day she buried Him... 3 years after they moved in together. THAT is very valid M/s too.
.... thank You for existing. Thank You for finding me. Thank You for all the ways You include me in life. Thank You for knowing me. Thank You for believing in my strength. Thank You for giving me the ability to hand You the things I *can't* handle. Thank You for keeping me accountable. Thank You for being my biggest supporter, my greatest teacher, my Home.... I fugging LOFF You! .... the girl runs back to finish work work stuffs so that W/we have time when You wake.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/anEypp5Ff6w
His slaveMikayla
... hang on... your Person is out there... just gotta wait for the right moment to find Them (or Them to find you!) ... it's worth it, all of it... I swear.
HURRY UP JUNE 26TH AND GET HERE!
