One of the things I've been talking to MstrJ about for going on 3 years now is the law of attraction... I've got a lot of deep seated and well tested belief around it. A concept that exists throughout societies, generations, all over the world would tend to have some measure of truth to it.
I wont get into all of my beliefs on this subject, because it would bore most people. Suffice to say I "meditate" others would say pray... some would say have rituals the point of them is to attract specific things. Those things change from time to time. This year is MstrJ's year of accomplishment. There are specific goals He is within sight of accomplishing. This year has apparently renamed itself for me... it is not the year of accomplishment... it is the year of closure. I've just got one more to "show up". Within this past year I found out some very... interesting... information about my ex husband. I reached out in support and honesty with no expectations of anything. Keep in mind this is the man who parentally kidnapped my son. We had not spoken civily in over 18 years.... we will never be friends, but the end result was that he apologized to me. We will never have the ability to speak about our experiences because my truth is not his and vice versa. He did also offer to speak to my son and "tell him the truth" or at least encourage him to speak to me about mine. I do not know if that conversation has or will happen...
My forever best friend, who was also my first Sir reached out. He is back with his ex wife. I have explained to him that I can not be an active part of his life so long as she is. This is because I am viewed by her as a danger... her actions prove this. I am not... but I am always used as an excuse to doubt him. His marriage is important. When they divorced it nearly killed him. I cant and wont be used as a weapon against him again. Instead of fighting me on it, he accepted it. This is, in a way, closure.
Mr. Richard last messaged me to wish MstrJ and I happiness. I think he truly believes that this is good, and as a result I've not heard another word from him... and in a way this too is closure. It's a compliment. He doesnt need to worry about me anymore.
Another situation from my past has also popped up within the past week and it has created a space for me to acknowledge the healing that has happened in life and how unrecognizable I am from the woman who first stepped foot on this site what? 7 years ago?
I don't regret any of the situations that led me to where I am now, because I'm HAPPY. I'm healthy. I'm grateful. "you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find Prince Charming"... or in my case my Master. I'm done with frogs.
One person potentially reading will know what I'm talking about...
I'm SORRY that you had to kiss that frog too. It all was unbelievably screwed up. I will never be able to understand everything, because I was fooled. I was so incredibly fooled. I blamed myself. When I messaged you first I was genuine. I asked if you wanted the history in order to make your choices. I was genuine. However the history I gave was missing a huge measure of truth because I did not know the truth. When I learned the truth it nearly killed my ability to have faith in humanity. It's when I stopped signing my name "Faith" ... None of that has anything to do with you. I'm sorry that you experienced the same or worse. I'm sorry for everything you went through. I will never understand self serving scumbag liars who would lie about Cancer and surgery and kids and everything else. I can COMPLETELY comprehend your concern that I might be "in" on it, or a part of it. I swear I was not. If I could have saved anyone even a part of the damage that I was dealt I would go back and do it different. At one point I had made it clear that I would take this to the authorities because this is a crime in the country the person resides in. Honestly though, at this point I just want to be done with it. I have not thought about this frog in years... and no part of me needs any amount of closure from that person because I've found my own. The closure I AM grateful is for understanding why things were sour between us. I'm glad I know now. I'm sorry it took this long. I don't know that we will ever be "besties" because I think we are vastly different people, and that's a BEAUTIFUL thing. I have a lot of respect for what I know of you, and double that for the way you reached out. For any decision you wish I had made differently to protect you or anyone else from this "covert emotional sadist" as I've dubbed him, I'm deeply truly sorry. I wish you JOY, HEALTH, LOVE, FUN, PEACE, HEALING, and every blessing in your current and future endeavors. You and Yours <3 Thank you for closure with YOU.
to you... who will NEVER deserve a capital ANYTHING on your name... you are right. You were a messed up toad. Correct. You got that right. Don't EVER bother knocking on this door ever again. There is NO door with your name on it. Glad you finally found someone who is "always a Sassypants" wonder if she knows that's what you called me? hmmmm. Sad. To you who dragged me through the mud for YEARS. Thank you. I found my strength, no thanks to you. What you did not succeed in doing was ruining my ability to trust and love. I do want to take one moment to shine a light on one thing for you... you used to accuse me of looking for my guru... maybe it's because I was looking to you for wisdom and guidance? I'm glad that I've found it in SPADES. I do believe people have the ability to change. I hope that you have. If so, amazing. I do not want to hear about it. Good luck.
for my All Ways
Thank You for all the ways You have helped me find myself, find healthy, find healing, and find closure. I know without a shadow of a doubt that there are not two of You. Thank You for seeing the value in me.
62 days and counting till I'm Home for the summer!
Dance with me? Please?
.... huuurrryyyyy uppppp!
~His grateful slaveMikayla
