Ok, so I know I went quiet about two weeks ago, that was right about the time that the school year was wrapping up (read busy to the extreme) and also right when He and I agreed that I'd take the step I took yesterday.
So a bit of background for those who may not be familiar with MstrJ and my dynamic... W/we are a long distance TPE M/s couple. W/we have been together for over 4 years now. One of the most common questions W/we get revolves around the concept of how can we be TPE or even M/s while living literally halfway around the globe. Yes, O/our dynamic is a bit more complicated and takes some finessing differently than it would if W/we lived in the same space 24/7. W/we both wish W/we did, and W/we look forward to when W/we will... but it is a sacrifice that W/we both make for very necessary reasons.
Yesterday was the first *serious* step in a line of steps that W/we have been discussing and working towards for years now. For myself, I'm a slave, what makes me so is that my absolute driving desire is to be of use and of pleasure in every way possible. There is no part of who I am or what I do that is outside the realm of His control *if and when and how He desires.* That's an important distinction, because if W/we defined it such that He micromanages every single action every single minute of the day, then nope, THAT is not possible halfway around the world.
What it looks like on an everyday basis is W/we talk through the day and all foreseeable things in advance. I know what it is He expects of me at home, at work, and with regard to O/our daughter. If things go sideways I understand in which circumstances I'm to make my best judgment call and when I'm supposed to pause and contact Him for decision making/directive. If I get it wrong in the moment, that is okay... it's a learning opportunity for next time. You better believe I don't get it wrong a second time though!
That brings us to long term goals and plans... those are all His jurisdiction. He gives me the map or sometimes just one step in advance and I do my utmost to follow it. One of the maps W/we are following brings us into another area of O/our preferred dynamic. I also enjoy the concept that He is helping make me into His physical ideal. I mean I'd be hard pressed to find a slave who, when asked, would not want to be her Master's absolute ideal in every way. It just seems logical to me. So for years now W/we have been working on my physical health. I've lost over 70lbs (and gained a bit back), I've become much more physically fit (but I'm not anywhere near "done"). I've gotten braces on my lower teeth. I keep my nails to the length and shape He prefers. I do not cut my hair because He far prefers it long (long enough to use as a leash if desired). At one point I lost too much weight and it affected my behind in a way He did not prefer, so some was gained back to round that back out. The point of this is to say W/we are now moving into the more "serious" /tangible aspects of that map. It's exciting... it's terrifying... it's fucking painful... and it's so incredibly worth it.
Last year there was a day I went to school dressed in a new floor length gown and a student of mine stood looking at me in absolute awe. Her chin on the ground and she exclaimed Miss Mikayla, you look like a PRINCESS! Now... what I realized in that moment is that THAT is the exact look I hope to be on His face someday. It's a ways away.
On the map is likely: I am going to need some surgery to fix loose skin from weight loss. I definitely need and want to get my boobs fixed. I was at one time a 38 HHH. Now I'm a 32 DDD. That amount of weight and the weight loss have not done fantastic things, add to it that I'm a mom of two and definitely nursed both of my kids for years... so yep that needs to be handled.
Some Men would look at all of that and walk away looking for their ready made insert label here. MstrJ however, has decided that who I am as a person, as a slave, as a mother, as a teacher, as a human, and as His property is far FAR more impossible to find, teach, or replicate... and the other things can and will be altered so that He ends up with the "whole package". I could not be more grateful. Yes, I am generally pleased with how I look, but for me it is most rewarding to "do hard thing for the sake of my Person, my Master." Yesterday was incredibly difficult. I'm terrified of needles, so the two weeks after W/we decided this would be done was nerve wracking! I was certainly a bundle of nerves and I was researching all the time. Yesterday pretty much all I could do was pace.
He had to work, sadly, which meant He gave me a pep talk on the way out the door and kept tabs on me throughout the day. I wore a shirt He bought me, the bra He bought me, the pants He provided... the shoes He sent me back with last time... and His cologne. I also took my bear in my bag. Sitting there I had the book I've been reading which is His family's autobiographical novel about immigrating to the US. I sat in the waiting room reading the novel His mom edited for His great grandmother about HER mother and father. No, it was not pleasant. Yes, it hurt like a bitch. Yes, I cried. Yes, I nearly tapped out when the doc hit two very deep spaces that were NOT numbed. Yes, last night was terrible and this morning was no better... but it's getting better now. However hearing Him tell me how grateful He is and how proud of me He is that I'm willing to walk through these spaces to please Him in this way... <3 THAT is where my slave heart finds joy. I HOPE that the end result is what He envisioned. W/we won't know for a bit yet. I go back to the doc next Thursday and Master will decide if W/we get the other half of the syringe or not... Yes, part of me prays to everything holy that the half W/we did is enough. I fucking do not want to do that again! I hate needles... but if He decides that W/we need to finish it then that is what W/we will do. I definitely think that this cemented for me that I'd personally prefer to do the surgeries where He is... or at the very least have Him here to help me in the beginning... but that is a decision He will make when the time comes.
Until then I'm holding on to two mental pictures: #1 hoping that He looks at me the way my student did when all is said and done...
#2 hoping that in 12 days He really enjoy the look of my new and improved lips being very busy ... *cough* *wink*
~His slaveMikayla
https://youtube.com/shorts/UqiLGiJnTOo?si=g38-UcAdeCcYaxKY
