I often feel I am frozen in time.
My mental health problems started, well, a long time ago. By age 15 I had been in 2 hospitals..one good...one not so good. Then came the group homes until by 16 I fought my way out of that mess and moved into my own place. This could be ...erm, like 12 separate blogs but my point, if I have one, is the mental health was always there.
age 29, after years of intense relationship turmoil, adrenal burnout and self neglect I entered the dreaded "psychosis" , also another blog, but fuck, it was intense, terrifying, bloody awful. I didn't think I'd survive it. It took almost 8 months to come back to "myself" but the thing is...I never really did. I'm there, back there , stuck, lost, idk. I'm gone. What's here now, she is, different ? How to explain , parts were lost and gained. I don't connect to her, I miss her and I hate her for getting me here.
Oh my point. Frozen. It's been 7 years and every day blends into the next day n month n year. People are supposed to move forward, evolving, I'm not. Every day is keeping it together, more of the same, repeat repeat repeat. But lately it's become intolerable....maybe that's good? Maybe that means change?
Maybe I'm just crazy.
I swear I had a point here, in my head the words flowed free...now , ugh. Fuck it.
