Ego integrity versus despair is the eighth and final stage of Erik Erikson's stage theory of psychosocial development. This stage begins at approximately age 65 and ends at death. ... Individuals who reflect on their life and regret not achieving their goals will experience feelings of bitterness and despair.
According to Erikson,achieving a sense of integrity means fully accepting oneself and coming to terms with death. Accepting responsibility for your life and being able to undo the past and achieve satisfaction with one’s self is essential. The inability to do this results in a feeling of despair.
It is with this in mind that I talk about the following. I was 26 years old, starting my psychiatric residency. I always wanted to know about people. I was fascinated by it. Psychiatry was not a job for me, it was a love and a passion. I had started my psychotherapy training, where we were assigned therapy patients, and a supervisor. I was always to tape our therapy sessions and every week, go through the session, with my supervisor.
I had a patient, that was in the Vietnam war, and since coming back to the states, had trouble re connecting with life, friends, relatives and others. It turned out that he had lost his entire platoon, and was the only survivor of his company. (I have changed all the names, so no one can identify him) And I must state, i discussed this fully with my supervisor, before i even attempted any of this, and we went through different options and variations and scenarios, before I even attempted any of this. But i was still very nervous and anxious. My supervisor, was a tough taskmaster, who demanded perfection. She was very passionate about our Vets, and not only demanded perfection, but expected this of herself.
So Ben, my patient came on his regularly scheduled therapy day, entered the room. I immediately said, “quite, get down, enemy at .....and i stated the coordinates of their position, as Ben had explained all this to me in many previous sessions. I had turned a VA desk, an old heavy metal desk on its side, and was behind it. I pushed Ben down on the floor, behind the desk, and told him, the coordinates, where we had taken enemy fire. I had already turned down the lights. This was an attack at night. Ben sat down with me, and for the next 45 or 50 min, we took turns saying good bye to all of his group. We discussed in detail, all of his friends, and i knew, where all of his company was, during the attack. Each one, we said, our good byes too. There were many tears that day. It was one of the most emotional experiences I have ever had. But I didn’t realize this at the time. I was young, naive, and very inexperienced. I remember i went through that session, always trying to separate the emotion, from the actual facts of the experience. Because thats what psychotherapy is, separating the emotion from the experience, in hope that one may resolve an unresolved emotional conflict. I so desperately wanted this for Ben.
Afterwards, I reviewed this session with my supervisor, and we went through it. I will always remember the smile, Dr. V gave me when we were done.
I never saw Ben again. I often think about Ben and what he has accomplished since that time. I always felt he was destined for greatness. With integrity versus despair, this one is for you, Ben.
