Scribbles

My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail...

Regrettably I wasn't present for the debate over a question that I have heard asked a lot -
When and why did disliking someone else's fetish become synonymous with kink shaming?

Fun Life:
Those among us of a certain age may remember a variety show that aired between 1975 and 1979 which was hosted by a brother and sister from well known singing family. One could call them "popstars" but that person would have to be either very generous, or totally unfamiliar with Casey Kasem (another nugget from that era.)
The show was the sort of treacly, wholesome fluff that was perfectly suitable for Friday night sitting around the tv with the family, playing with that new-fangled remote control channel-changer thingy.
One of the signature segments was a cool duet called "I'm a Little Bit Country, I'm a Little Bit Rock and Roll" where the siblings would trade off vocals, the sister singing a country song, the brother singing a rock song. It was a gimmick created by the producers to attract as wide an audience as possible by suggesting that the siblings were in musical opposition, seeming to have a disagreement about which genre is "better." Predictably, at the end of the song the two were in perfect harmony, we all sang along, it was everyone's favorite segment, and the show was beloved the world over. It was cute.
Of course, it was all pretend.

Real Life:
Things are not always so predictable or entertaining. Some examples:

About a year ago I was attempting to explain DDlg to a close friend. She is a single mother of three wonderful children, and had a very strict religious upbringing. I really, really tried, but I knew her well enough to understand that look on her face. She disapproved, she didn't understand it, and she didn't like it. She couldn't get her head around SSC or power exchange. However, knowing that it is a big part of my life, she accepted it. We ended that call much like any other.
"I love you, see you this weekend."
"I love you too, call me tomorrow."
Or words to that effect. She disliked the lifestyle, but there was no shaming.

By way of contrast, I met a woman about 4 years ago, and during an early conversation the subject of S/m came up. That's when things got very tense. She verbally attacked me about how Sadism is just an excuse and a cover for men who like to abuse women, that no woman would EVER consent to that, that any man who even considered it was a disgusting, sick fuck, and how I should be ashamed and have my balls lovingly massaged by an angry belt sander.
Or words to that effect. She aggressively disliked the lifestyle, and there was lots of shaming going on.

Lastly, I overheard this conversation not long ago. Lets just say it was between persons A and B:
A- The thought of someone being abducted, blindfolded, completely restrained, and forcibly, violently, and repeatedly sexually abused... that just soooo turns me on!
B- Don't some people find that a little rape-y?
A- Well, it's like this (explained the experience) What do you think?
B- Well, I think (shared opinions) You know what I mean?
Or words to that effect. They talked about it. There was no liking or disliking, no agreeing or disagreeing, and no shaming.

People can like each other's fetishes. Or not. Sometimes people will shame another. Or not. And some people are in total sync! During my time in this lifestyle I have experienced all of the above and found that YES - sometimes they are kinda the same. Sometimes they are mutually exclusive, sometimes neither happens, sometimes both. But they are not necessarily the same thing, therefore NO - they are not synonyms.

If ever there was a day, it was today.

Sometimes, admitting that you're wrong is even more difficult than explaining to your landlord that the rent will be late because you got fired for using the office computer to download milf revenge porn again.

Wait - I meant to say that it's easier.

My mistake.

The best part of not having any friends is that no one will ever know.

(Or so I assume.)

The best surprises are the ones you don't expect.

When you see the profile of someone you were involved with a long time ago and it says that now she is owned.
You remember back when she was your sub and you ask yourself "when did all this happen?"
And you just hope that she's happy.

(She knows who she is.)

ok, I'm actually not hahaha. I just wanted everyone to read that and think "Oh no, my good frind LJ is in crisis! I must make haste! He needs me!"
No, no, I'm just fine, but this post is head related (as are all the best things in life.) I just wanted to get your attention so you would read the rest.

In the months between mid-2016 and today, I have aged about 17 years. Life and stuff. But - for better or for worse - I pretty much look the same.
-Ish.
I still have the same long, lush, flowing locks for which I am world renowned, maybe a few percent fewer than I had that first year, but still pretty far from noticeable.
-Ish
But I am not going bald.

I do have a very close friend who is bald.
I hate him.
I estimate that he started losing his hair in his 30's, and one day he decided Fuck It and started shaving his head - and got about 12x more laid as a result! We would walk into a room together and suddenly every eye of every woman would be on Mr. Shiny McBaldypants. After which point I may as well have stayed home because no one ever even noticed that I was there. He is that much better looking than me. Totally hate the guy.

Those here who have actually seen me will attest that I am approximately, somewhat, on a good day, in a moderately average, non-threatening way, a more or less not unattractive man. But if I am nothing else, I am one of those men who has made it well into middle age without a single grey hair. Not even one.

All of my friends around my age have grey hair. All of them. Some dye their hair to try to hide it, which looks so totally Walgreens that no one is fooling anyone. One friend even wears a bandanna everyday to cover it so no one will notice, which only serves to draw the eye toward her head, which is where she keeps all her grey hair, so everyone notices.

Yesterday I was gazing into the mirror, doing... mirror stuff (shut up, you do it too!) and I saw a strange sight. I wondered "Is the lighting suddenly different in here?" and "Did someone sneak up behind me and scare me to death when I wasn't looking?" and "Should I unearth ancient scrolls and perform sacred, nasty rituals of spiritual forbidding?" and "Wait a second..."

That's when I saw it -
My Very First Grey Hair!
It was kinda over there in the right temple region. I looked at it for a couple seconds before deciding "Yeah, that's pretty cool. It looks good on me. I can totally rock the whole single, solitary grey hair look."

I think it is, and it does, and I can.

For now, I can only imagine that one day I will again be doing mirror stuff (shut up!) and there will be another of those "Wait a second..." moments when one will have become two, then three, and so on. But for the present I am kinda liking it.

ps: "I Think I'm Going Bald" is a song from the 1975 album Caress of Steel by the rock band Rush.
That's right kids, back in the golden olden times there were these strange, magical things called record albums. Some of them had special covers that you could open and read about otherworldly things such as "lyrics" and "musical instruments" - which actual humans actually played!
They were also what grand-dad used to sort his pot.

...you realize that of all your friends you really only like fewer than 2 of them.

It happens all the time. Someone is into something which you are not.

(Before we begin it is very, very important to understand that I just pulled this whole next paragraph out of my ass. No offense intended, just a attention grabbing example so keep reading.)

Let's say you are into poo. Which no one is. Sorry shitters, but gross, ick, pew!
They say to you "gross, ick, pew, how could you possibly be into that?"

Ok, moving on.
I just made a joke there about a scat fetish but it was sincerely just a lighthearted reference to a recognizable scenario, and totally, absolutely not a judgement. It was used only for effect and to make a point. To all those among us who do poo, I meant no disrespect.
I too have been asked that very same question many times about some of my kinks. I suspect we all have.

Here's my point. I don't understand a lot of fetishes. Even super common things like being a sub. I get it in theory but from a personal perspective it makes zero sense to me - yet every single day I'm grateful that it is a thing. I wouldn't have it any other way.

My opinion has always been that my fetish is no better or worse than anyone else's, and vice versa. I don't need to understand yours, or you mine, to be totally cool about it and god bless all of us, each and every one.

Fetish shaming, or whatever term you use, is a thing, it's fucked up, and needs to be stopped. To anyone who is guilty of doing it - Not Cool!

So here is what I'm asking everybody: is it just me or is "how could you possibly be into that?" kind of an insulting question?

Why do I keep seeing this profile:

BDSM and me -
I LOVE humiliation and degradation! Love it love it love it love! Degrade me and humiliate me and then between degradatons humiliate me more and more and more! Oh, and degrade too pleeeeease!

Limits -
no pee or poop or anything toilet or bathroom related. and no spitting or name calling or making me kiss or lick the floor. please don't make me feel like I am worthless or gross or icky or just a piece of garbage. no parading me arond nude in front of your friends or in public or anywhere other people can see me. never put a collar or a leash on me or anything else that makes me feel like a doggie. never, ever make me be a table or a chair or let your friends touch me or make me touch your friends or make me kneel in front of you or them while you or they use me as a piece of furniture. please never, never, ever, please, never put anything in my bottom and stand me facing the corner while everyone laughs at me. please, please don't treat me like all I am worth is a faceless, nameless piece of trash that you can just degrade and humiliate whenever it pleases you.
- But definitely degrade and humiliate the shit out of me! I love that!

wtf? One of us is missing something.