Thank you to my very own amazing ButterfliesAndCuffs for this fun challenge.
I couldn't decide on just one so to keep it brief I wrote short wiseassy captions.
Dom - "How many times have I told you not to shave your pussy while I'm eating it? You bitch look what you've done to my head!"
Sub - "Yeah, well, I guess that's what you get for taking the ropes off."
Like those times when you set down your phone, walk into another room - and then can't remember where you left it. You check every room in the house, your car, your pockets, but still can't find it! You check everywhere again and again, even start looking in crazy spots like the fridge, the toilet tank, your own pussy...
"Hmmm, I think I've seen this episode before. Ah yes, I remember now. This is the one where the main character peers into the magic box hoping to find the semen he left there the last time he came through town. The picture is a little fuzzy around the edges but maybe if I just kick the stand a few times..."
"What do you mean your 'ass water just broke?' " No don't touch it, you haven't washed your hands! Just relax and I'll apply pressure until help arrives. Dammit I told you not to order the Szechuan!"
Step 1. Insert finger A into release vent B to prevent any unintentional leakage.
Step 2. Grip hand C tightly around release vent D to block air from exiting.
Step 3. Wash with gentle soap and warm water, and leave out to air dry.
Step 4. Return unit to the back of Daddy's closet before Mommy gets home.
"No, no, stop, I told you I'm ticklish! Agghhh get off me!"
Just released, the new rechargeable, touch-sensitive, automatic face-door opener/closer. Includes USB cable, recessed button, and Audio User Interface to remind you that even after all these years you still have no idea how to use it correctly.
Available from fine retailers everywhere, or order overnight shipping from Amazon and receive a complimentary spider/bat/thingy (shown.)
Like the moment that you realize that you accidentally left your ventriloquist dummy at the whorehouse.
"It's ok babygirl, I know you haven't eaten in several weeks, but Daddy is here now and I've taken care of everything. I promise, once you smell the large pizza I just ordered for myself those roofies will wear off real quick."
"Wait a second... didn't I leave some semen here last time I came through town?"
Step 1. Pretentious GQ pose.
Step 2. Hand on hip for maximum sass.
Step 3. Belt handy in case someone wearing assless chaps happens by for a quick visit.
and...
Shit. I sat on my stapler again didn't I. Great, my stapler is up my ass again. This always happens. And I'm out of frame. I hate selfies.
(Now that was fun!)
