Maybe it is a sign.
Over the past several months I gradually changed my entire waking/sleeping schedule to something more closely approximating that of my dear ButterfliesAndCuffs. She didn't ask me to - it was my own idea, I did it because I was able to, and because we were each trying to squeeze as much extra time into our schedules as possible to spend with each other.
Before her I had never done that for anyone. I had never met anyone I wanted to do that for.
Following our first visit together we both experienced major droppage in the couple days after we got home. I started reverting to my old schedule and went back to sleeping a lot more, especially the first 24 hours. In retrospect that seems pretty counterintuitive because I was missing her so much - so why return to the days when we had less time together?
Fortunately I was able to stop that and turn it back around after a little while.
As most of you know, we just got home from spending another incredible few nights together. I didn't expect quite the same reaction as before but for the past couple days I have been doing it again. Reverting to my old ways.
Since returning home, the schedule I had so meticulously changed started creeping back, I was keeping my old hours again, all the while missing her terribly. As we always had, we see and chat and spend as much of our time together everyday as we can, yet I am just not feeling quite myself.
Yes, of course I understand what is happening, and why I am feeling low, and why this house and this neighborhood and this life seem so dull and empty now. I get it. I even anticipated it.
It's just that I thought it would be easier this time. All the extra sleeping is definitely a sign that I was wrong about that.
As I did before I'll fix it eventually, and in the mean time droppage can eat a wet shit.
