Angry Octoplush

I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve been on here, but I’m gonna take you on a ride on the story boat... promise it won’t take long ;)

So there’s an app that you can use that connects to your Snapchat, and people that use it have to upload a profile picture, and if each person agrees then it will connect to you to Snapchat to talk on there. So I met this guy, Jack, and he actually messaged me first, and I was like “well he seems legit” and I added him.

so I snapped him a picture of my face saying hi per usual, but instead of snapping back he just messages me, but I don’t think anything of it and we just keep talking, and then the next day I’m like “hey why are you not snapping me back”, and he was like “ I don’t usually use snaps, because I don’t like it“  And in my mind I was like ‘huh that’s weird, but not really a big deal, it’s his thing’., So I keep messaging, And me and him talk all the way to the next day and then I ask “ Hey do you want to FaceTime sometime tonight“ and I wasn’t necessarily looking to date him or anything, but I was just making friends, and if it lead to something else then it leads to something else. And he was like “ I’m just not that comfortable still, I like my privacy, I know it might seem sketchy but I just want to keep messaging“ and he brings up that he had this thing happen with his mom and this other thing that happened with his ex-girlfriend, so I’m trying to be sensitive, and I compromise and say “ Oh do you want to like do it in a week then“ mind you I’ve only ever seen this dude’s profile pictures, and when I asked him to send me more pictures of myself since he didn’t snap he sent me the same pictures, but I was too blind to even notice. 
so I keep talking to him, and we talk every single night, texting I mean, for about another week. And then yesterday I said “ Do you think we can call or FaceTime or something“ at this point me and this boy flirting and everything so I figured he’d be super chill with it, but then he says again that he’s not interested in doing anything else than messaging, and I start getting super red flags in my head, this guy doesn’t have a massive online presence, like a regular 18-year-old I would imagine he would have, he has A super low snap score, which is weird since he told me he only uses snap, and he only has one picture on Instagram that’s pretty blurry with only two followers on his page. So I start to feel a bit sketchy, and I’m confronting him about why he doesn’t want to see my face if we’re flirting all the time and every single time he keeps avoiding it and giving me shit answers, and I want to compromise with him, because I don’t wanna push him out of his comfort zone but I also need to feel comfortable and make sure I know who I’m talking to, and I shouldn’t have let it gotten that far but I did. Then he started saying things that were really manipulative and trying to make me feel guilty and bad about wanting to push him, and I was trying to be as sympathetic and sensitive to him as I could, it was becoming obvious that he wasn’t to me, and then he started sort of victimizing himself. And saying that because his mom was this way that he just has a really hard time trusting, and he already told me this whole story about his mom Annabelle his ex-girlfriend, which I see really no relation to why he wouldn’t wanna call the girl that he’s been talking to, and he began wanting to just completely stop the argument and trying to see things to distract me from the argument, at that point I was like we should stay on topic and like handle a situation like adults, because I was literally trying to give him a fighting chance, and give him every opportunity, but then last night he laugh by saying “ I just need some distance from it“ and I HATE HAT HATE. Going to bed with an active argument happening, I’m all for working it out then and there if it can be, but he was just giving up, and then today he never texted me at all, because I was gonna text him after he did that, so I sent him this whole long message saying that I was just done

so maybe I was catfish because the whole thing was just a little bit sketchy that he didn’t even want to see pictures of his face normally, and he avoided every time, but even if he was who he said he was high think I would have a hard time trusting him now anyway, so yeah that’s where I am right now

Thanks for coming to my ted talk :)) 

**also if this has spelling errors, in sorry I was reading through it but my phones at 2 % so gotta jet**

I don’t get down often. I think being down and being in your feelings while crying is different. Down is it’s own separate mood that’s usually triggered by the tiniest thing, said in the perfect way, at the perfect time. So no, it doesn’t happen often, but it just happened now. 
i guess I realize that I don’t have any kink friends on here, and I mean literal friends that aren’t looking for more from me. And I got down because that makes me feel a little alone within the group , like that I’m not as connected as all of these other people I see. Even as I type it, it seems silly to even say anything, but I’ve learned it’s always better to write/type how you feel because it’s acknowledging those feelings in measurable words. 
anyway, this could really be a hidden opportunity for me to put my friendship out there more and show that I’m receptive I think, so nothing is ever just bad :)

happy quarantine

Hiiiiiii

sooooo

im in littleeee space right nowweee and I found that I have zero, ziltch coloring books in my room and that’s sad orrrrrr maybe I do and I hid them away but I think I’m too good at hiding because I alwayssss forget where things are, so in conclusion I’m now all sorts of jittery in bed and I don’t wanna sleep but I am a tiny little bit sleepy anywho I got on here and I was bored so I made this post you’re very welcome, I know, I KNOW, I don’t make any sense but I talk a lot as a little soooo what can ya do 

I'll probably delete this later when my big brain is onnnnn but not right now oh no no no no hehe 

what I have found super duper fun is the coloring apps on phones like this one called happy color, OH MY GOODNESS I’m a genius I just realized I can stop color now, it’s a little different but that’s okay, alright I’m gonna go do that byeeeee

I don’t even know, it just be how it be , but I need to let this tension go!! 
the problem? I’ve gotta write my drought draft and study for my midterm ugh  how annoying 😫😤

Sooo I have this habit of wanting  to  move forward but not knowing how and then I feel stuck and I feel like I give mixed signals. Because my little wants to come out and I start asking the person weird questions and I’m so afraid to be annoying and seem dumb so I pull back and I don’t know.

like I’ve been vibing so well with this guy recently and I think he’s so cool and he’s able to make me jittery but then I think I get awkward and I’ll almost type what the little part of me wants to but I suppress it because  it was probably stupid in the first place, anywho, he doesn’t seem like a murder so that automatically makes me like him more but I get scared because I’m so afraid that I’m momentary, that maybe he’s just filling his time with me till he actually finds someone worthwhile and cute or whatever, I know that may sound dumb but I just can’t help it, maybe cause that’s what happened to me before, I don’t really know. All I know is this guy is so sweet and he makes me feel nice and he incredibly respectful, and maybe, I guess that can be okay for now. 

I’ll be honest, I am such a procrastinator, and I had an essay due tonight at 11:55,Which I was able to finish five minutes before it was due, go me! But seriously, I would just like to say how so freaking easy I can get distracted. I would just get a little bored and I would start looking at the site again and then, Bam FULL distraction mode! I know it’s so awful, but hey at least it’s done and over with now!  Still though, I am so exhausted from typing for the past two hours, It was a long essay. I even had to have some celebratory late night for cereal at the end so now you know Just how serious it was, LOL! Well since I am thoroughly exhausted at this point, I should be heading to bed, but before I sign off, here’s some small advice,  DO NOT be like me and procrastinate, it never actually turns out to be fun! 

oh My goodness! I just sobbed while screaming at my TV for the past 30 minutes! Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (basically Maleficent 2) has me balling my eyes out, I seriously thought I was gonna sit down to a nice Disney movie then half way in I’m screaming how it’s so unfair to the creatures of Moor and I was calling for blood on the human queen, spoiler alert, she’s a nasty, rude, mean cruel woman. 

anywho I definitely have a ton of homework I was supposed to do be doing for my classes but I was avoiding with the lovely first action; unfortunately I must get back to work now ughhhhh.

p.s. If you were curious, if I could be any mystical creature I’d 110% be a Dark Fey (probably Forest terrain) 

p.p.s. That’s the type of thing Maleficent is! It’s a fairy but the size of a person, with bird like wings (adjusted to your specific terrain), and had horns!