We all have them, those devilish imps that live in our hearts, you know the ones, they are the ones that are there "to protect you", to "keep you safe" to stop you from ever feeling again as though somebody just ripped your soul into shreds with a rusty fork, and laughed maniacally as they sped from your life, leaving you wounded and heartbroken on the battlefield.
They are a necessary part of survival. They protect us when we are most vulnerable, when one more straw onto the camel's back may end in disaster. And it is then that we need them most, not to occasionally be productive, but sometimes just to exist. So we form the front lines of our battleground with our evil imps surrounding our heart, and we get behind them, into safety. Any who cross our path at this time that make us feel the least bit vulnerable will pay the price, it may not be what we want to do, but it is certainly what we will do.
Yet on the other side, in the part of us that is all too human, live our other imps.. they have a voice too, but much quieter and soft spoken, harder to hear from all the yelling from the front lines. They remind us that we are yet still human, that we still yearn for human comfort and human touch. That despite the scars of war, our heart yet beats beneath all the rubble, and one day we must free it if we are to continue onward.
So we take the time to heal, to rediscover ourselves, to heal and reform our very soul. The imps, good and bad, tend to lie down their arms at this point, and we begin to relax. And then it happens... you begin considering a new relationship again. It is awkward, lets be honest. You are so used to defending and surviving, and suddenly find you are meeting people again, considering them one by one, and it feels awkward and vulnerable.
There are only 2 outcomes here, you move forward or you move on. Either can happen, lets face it, its a crap shoot at best, this meeting and meeting and talking and talking. Now consider our little website here ... we text and text and email and email. In our search for the ultimate relationship (and yes, I believe the D/s dynamic is the most powerful and rewarding relationship on Earth) , we use the most cold and callous method of communication possible. We do not hear the voice tones, the inflections, the sincerity or lack thereof. We do not hear the subtle joy in the others voice as they hear it is us, We cannot look into their eyes and see what may be seen through the "windows of the soul", or hear the volumes of words that a simple touch or gentle caress can speak.
I tell you now that it is in its best summary, difficult. And when you meet somebody you are truly interested in, you do not have the benefit of the time you would have in person. So we type and type, and somewhere in the midst of all that, if we have found a kindred spirit of sorts, we attempt to communicate that we are interested, without seeming pushy or awkward, because who knows if you will chat again, and you convince yourself the risk of seeming too forward is outweighed by the possibility of not chatting again.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring to you, but for today at least, you remembered your humanity and caged up the protective imps long enough to at least get the message across, and in doing so you have done that thing you probably swore never to do again......you have taken a chance. I am not saying it is instant love, or "a just add water and mix perfect dynamic", I am merely saying that through the fog, a glimmer of light has pierced your world, if you both see it, embrace it, the gamble is worth the gain if you win.
