While driving to work this morning, across the radio came the song “Ben”, an early on hit by Michael Jackson, also the title song from the movie Ben, about a rat. But, it surfaces and entirely different memory in my mind….
The year was 1975. The Vietnam war came to an end, Opec started robbing the world for oil, VHS Videotapes were released, and I was 12 years old, awkward, and entering a new life as an Army Brat.
My folx had been divorced almost 4 years, and my mother had married a career Army Officer who relocated us to Fort Story Virginia. A remarkably unremarkable post on the shores of the Atlantic Ocean, where I knew nobody, and nobody knew me. He was a 2 time Vietnam vet, and his mind was sadistic. The man was an excellent officer, and a pathetic step father. His idea of equality and fairness with children often included moderately savage beatings with the 4” canvas canteen belt from his closet. His idea was to beat you until you confessed to whatever crime he had accused you of, but this is not his story…
Needless to say, I spent very little time at home. A 12 year old boy wandering about an Army post for hours on end daily, hoping that when I got home, he would be passed out. The youth center on post was not an option either, as it was widely known with the army brats that the man running it was a homosexual pedophile. It was then that I met my friend, David Cox.
David was abandoned by his mother at an early age. He had been through many foster homes, and eventually wound up at Fort Story, David was a loner, tough as nails outside, and constantly in fear on the inside. He wanted a home more than anything else in the world, and would do anything to have one. He was socially awkward I suppose, because all people could see was the end result of his life, not the person cowering inside…but I did. I suppose I have always had an ability to see people as they are, to read past the lines, see past the projected image, but this is not my story, it’s Davids….
So he became the foster son of an Army Sergeant who was very much like my own stepfather, with one exception. He liked to torture the children mentally before beating them black and blue, taunting them with what was to come. And somehow the child services of the day let him have David, and two teenage sisters from another family, who endured more than David did, but I will not go into them, this is Davids story…
As it happened, David and I met and became fast bonded friends. With so much in common it was frightening. We would walk the beaches, sneak out to watch the soldiers during maneuvers, and with no real money, we would swipe fishing gear from the PX so we could fish down at the oceanside occasionally. School let out, and we were inseparable. Safe from our own nightmares, we would travel the post until darkness fell each night, and get up early in the morning and do it again. Life wasn’t perfect, but it was ok for a change with a friend.
School started again in the fall, and we both attended the same school. David was an avid reader, he loved to learn and live vicariously in the imagination of writers. David had heard about the book “The Outsiders”, and desperately wanted a copy of the book, as we both very much identified with some of the characters. He made the mistake of trying to steal a copy at the book fair, and got caught. The judgement was “3 days suspension”. The school tried to call his parents to inform them, but there was no answer. David was given a slip to get signed (which we conspired to get forged) and bring back to school, and he felt he had escaped a certain vicous beating, all we had to do was hide him out during school hours for 3 days.
As he walked into the house that evening, the foster person (I will not refer to him as a parent) began taunting David with questions such as “how was school”, “Did you go to the book fair”, “pick up anything good today”, “hope you were a good boy today” etc etc etc. It was obvious he had learned of the days events, and had an attack planned, but what was in Davids terrified mind we will never know. The sisters began to intervene, and a household fight erupted. Something deep inside David broke that moment, something he could not fix. He ran upstairs, placed a gun to his temple, and took his own life at the age of 12.
The sisters were removed from the home, and an investigation was undertaken, but my mother shipped me off to live with my Dad again, and I do not know or recall what followed. All I know is every now and then, when the song “Ben” plays on the radio, I remember my friend, and pray to God I might see him again someday, when It is my time to leave this world.
When that day comes, I will thank my friend for being my friend in a time when I so desperately needed one, for without him, that summer and into the fall, it is uncertain what may have become of me. But together we were unbeatable….
As Rose said in Titanic… “Now you know there was a boy named David Cox. and that he saved me... in every way that a person can be saved”
“Ben”
by Michael Jackson
Ben the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own I'll never be alone
And you my friend will see you've got a friend in me
(you've got a friend in me)
Ben you're always running here and there
(here and there)
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
(anywhere)
If you ever look behind and don't like what you find
There's something you should know you've got a place to go
(you've got a place to go)
I used to say "I and me"
Now it's us now it's we
(I used to say "I is me")
(now it's us now it's we)
Ben most people would turn you away
(turn you away)
I don't listen to a word they say
(a word they say)
They don't see you as I do I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again if they had a friend like Ben
Like Ben
Like Ben
Like David…..
