You go through life, sometimes alone, sometimes with another, but you go through life. And when you lose someone, or something dies that you thought never could, any other cornerstone of your world crumbles to ruins, you may find yourself suddenly lost, seemingly cast out of the light...adrift in a stormy sea... and feeling very...alone. The waves pound your heart, the relentless wind howls and screams from every direction drowning out the voices trying to reach you, and what is left of your soul desperately starts to seeks salvation, restoration, preservation, as you drift there, broken, battered, alone at sea, at the mercy of the elements it seems, and you begin to wonder if you will see the sun again in this existence.
This is also when predators seem to prefer to strike, (because frankly they could not succeed much unless we you are new or damaged) appearing underneath you from the blind side, circling, plotting, whispering those oh so tempting promises of safety and healing, when what they really want is to use you for whatever moments pleasures or gains they may be able to get, before casting you back into the storm, further damaged, not caring what their present moments pleasures have cost you in the future. You see the teeth, you know the voice you are hearing is misleading you for cause, that it is not to be trusted, yet you still feel drawn to what is being sold as sunlight. Don't let it happen, it is more hollow than the storm you are already in.
Friends try to console you with words, but words are never enough. They are naught but faint howls in the wrath of the storm, whispers on the wind, barely audible, faint glimmers of sunshine peering through the distant horizon, and so very far away from where you are now, that is seems unlikely you will ever reach that peaceful place, and escape the storm.
So you hold on to the wreckage, surviving moment by moment it seems at times, unable to visualize escaping the wrath of your existence, perchance only trying to survive this minute, this moment, until the next moment arrives and you desperately repeat the process again. Over and over the process repeats, the minutes tick by, the hours pass unnoticed, day turns to night, and night into day, days into weeks, and weeks into months.
Suddenly, and without warning, you will find the sea a bit calmer, the wind just a bit less brutal, and you know it is time to begin to heal. The pictures of the TRUE past come more into focus with reality, stripped of their fantasy existence . Your battered mind summons the will to outstretch your hand, reach for the light as it were. You have endured the pain, survived the barrage, and the edge of the storm is just a bit closer. It is now that your mind overpowers your heart, shutting it down, encasing it in a very necessary impenetrable shell, unreachable, protected, safe. With clarity of mind and purpose, you begin to paddle, working your way out of the storm, until you are finally in calm waters, still alone, but in calm waters.
So in the distance you see an island, and you make our way toward it. As the sea thrusts your shattered body upon the beach, at least you know you have found some security. Survival time has arrived. You build a shelter, find food, lick your wounds and continue reinforcing the hardened case your heart was placed in out at sea. Once you are certain it is safe, You begin planning your inevitable departure from the island, back to civilization, back to your life.
This is the decision point people. This is when you must decide if you are going to uncase your heart, and become a whole person again. Or will you allow the previous experience to prevent you from any chance at finding happiness again? You see, you are still in the rebuilding stage, the stage where you are laying the foundation for our future. Yes, you can rebuild completely and keep your heart safely encased, but it will mean a life without the possibility of a true love, the True Dynamic. Because you see, you need your heart to get that, you will have to trust it to another, as they trust theirs with you. If you want to be able to give and receive love, we have to open our hearts here at the rebuilding stage, so it gets stronger and healthier with the rest of us.
So where does all this power come from to do this herculean effort of rebuilding yourself from the center soul outward? It's inside you, it always was. But until now you were using it to calm, to heal, to nurture, to soothe your pains and wounds. Now add the BDSM personality type into the mix and it gets even more powerful.
Doms -
Dom's tend to have a natural high power level, and most of it shines outward, in a leadership type role But a Dom MUST posses imho the strength of character and force of will to be able to set aside their own well being and selnse of self preservation, if needed, for the betterment and protection of another. Try finding that character trait in "Sammy the slick tongue snake" at your local vanilla bar.
Subs -
OMG, how to even begin. To have the sheer force of will it takes to submit (truly submit) to another human being is a power beyond my comprehension, and no simple words will ever explain it with any sense of justice. Don't agree? Then just ask the strongest Dom you know if he'll role play it with you and find out! Oh yeah ... "Bar-b, the bouncy boobed bimbot" at the local vanilla bar doesn't stand a chance either -- fyi
Now I know alot of people will disagree with this, they will say "until you are fully healed you cannot give to another", but I respectfully disagree. I believe that if you have rebuilt enough of yourself where you are done grieving and pining away for the thing lost, then you are capable of once again entering into a dynamic. But you must be careful, do not just jump on a ship because it is passing by. Take your time, learn about who it is you are talking to. Get to really know them, and for Gods sake, do it on the phone or in person. Alot can be learned that way, from inflections, tones, and body language, and best of all - predators don't have the time they need to edit and rewrite their bullshit.
The True Dynamic, once found, will not only heal your remaining wounds, but it will surge a level of power into your lives that will enshroud you both, keep you and protect you, you will fill their valleys, reinforce their weaknesses, as they will do for you. And each of us must remember, the other will have some protections in place, or maybe even just need to learn how to trust you, be patient, be kind, be understanding.
Anyhwo, just my 2 cents on healing and moving forward, take it for whatever you will.
