We read it, we see it, we hear it. it permeates the lifestyle like red wine upon a white carpet. Expectations, perceptions, pre defined mental images of what we seek......and all of it being constantly reinforced.
the Dom - Devilishly handsome, built like Arnold Schwartznegger in Conan, strong, powerful, all wise, mind reading superhuman that only a few may obtain ....impervious to mistakes.
the sub - strong yet yielding completely, Sharon Stone in handcuffs, helpless, unable to survive without Superman above. waiting for us curled up in a corner, desperately needing somebody to completely take over their life and make any and all decisions for them.
And the issue with being a Dom like that? A fable ...
A Giant Oak stood near a brook in which grew some slender Reeds. When the wind blew, the great Oak stood proudly upright with its hundred arms uplifted to the sky. But the Reeds bowed low in the wind and sang a sad and mournful song.
"You have reason to complain," said the Oak. "The slightest breeze that ruffles the surface of the water makes you bow your heads, while I, the mighty Oak, stand upright and firm before the howling tempest."
"Do not worry about us," replied the Reeds. "The winds do not harm us. We bow before them and so we do not break. You, in all your pride and strength, have so far resisted their blows. But the end is coming."
As the Reeds spoke a great hurricane rushed out of the north. The Oak stood proudly and fought against the storm, while the yielding Reeds bowed low. The wind redoubled in fury, and all at once the great tree fell, torn up by the roots, and lay among the pitying Reeds.
Better to yield when it is folly to resist, than to resist stubbornly and be destroyed. How can you possibly protect your sub once your pride rips you from your foundations? Why would a sub wish to be in a situation like that?
Really?
You see, the issue with pictures of people you paint BEFORE you even meet them is ..... they most likely DON'T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON in the first place, Yet, as society has taught us to do, as all of the stimuli out there constantly bombards our brains as to what we "should be" or "should seek", we strive to become that perfect picture, . We want to become that unrealistic bullshit fantasy Dom or sub so that the shining of our greatness will attract the person we have pre painted as well.
And so the circle goes ... round and round, ever repeating itself, keeping us on the hamster wheel. When it stops, it just begins...
We meet, we judge, we dismiss, and start the search again.... over and over and over. Tossing potential mates to the curb because they did not fit our little mold. Well... guess what... you can prolly get a body to fit a mold, but not a soul. You can find a great looking set of boobs, just the right looking man sword, the right beard, the right age, the right color (yeah .. I said it .. get over it .. it happens), but what connection are you seeking anyway? Do you seek the True Dynamic or just a fuck buddy? Because guess what .... dem boobs - yeah buddy, they gonna change, dat man sword - gonna lose some edge, That six pack? Might just turn into a pony keg.
Do you want to connect in bed or in life? what are you more attracted to? Which one stands a better chance of completing your dynamic... the body or the mind?
Dominants - what would you give to find the one you could truly trust your "kryptonite" to?
submissives - what would you give to meet the one who's mere presence quiets your all to active mind, the one you could trust to take you into subspace and back again?
And yes, this search sucks. its takes time, but if you cannot open your mind to the possibilities, its gonna take a helluva lot longer. But it can be done.
For myself, I tend to be a bit harsh trying to always play fair, to make certain I can be able and willing to give what I expect. the last few years have been rough, not gonna lie about it. I buried my father, my pet, my marriage and almost myself in the accident a few months back. And after the accident, I cut all ties with any potential mates I was exploring with, because I was afraid my injuries would turn the object of my affection into a nursemaid, and I could not allow that. And in that moment, I hurt somebody that did not deserve to be hurt, by taking away her ability to decide for herself, albeit with only honorable intentions, but still the road to hell got another pavestone that day.
But as with all things, I try to learn from my mistakes, take away something positive that will guide me closer in the future.
And yes, on the way home Saturday night I once again pondered haging up the search, like so many of us do from time to time, but like an old friend dropping by to visit, once of my favorite songs from the 70's came bouncing into the cab of my truck on the way home and reminded ,me to wear my badges of life proudly, and stand the fuck back up.. so here I go again back into the search .....
