Kinky, vanilla, hetero, same sex etc etc etc - the potential combinations of relationships is as varied as sands on the beach, yet all the same in some waya. Hollywood sends us one type of message, another was programmed into us by our experiences growing up, and even more by our experiences with relationships in general. And like a long running train, our baggage car gets more and more filled if we are not VERY careful!!
We take our shiny new dynamic, apply the lessons of our past, the curses of our parents, the expectations of society, and when we are done, we have managed to do to our shiny new dynamic what Tommy did to his sale in Tommy Boy, and being the masters of the universe that we are, we manage to drown it to death before it ever leaves the ground. Now it may not die right away, sometimes these poisons take time to seep into the soul of the innocent dynamic. So what are these things we need to make damn certain are NOT in our baggage car?
Fear - fear of the unknown and fear of the known, Judging our new friend by the sins of the past. A woman crossing her legs in public doesn't make her Sharon Stone. She wasn't trying to flash you, impress you, manipulate you (ok .. maybe), most likely she was ummm ... crossing her legs. Just because your ex crossed her legs when she cheated on you, doesn't make it a world wide sin. So when that little birdy whispers past life warnings in your ear, kick the shit out of it and throw it out the window.
SPEAKING OF ....
Nothin perplexes like your exes - This new person is NOT YOUR EX. So don't treat em like they are . period. I don't care what they do or say that somehow mimics your ex . get over it!!! Carry nothing, compare nothing!
Be Brave - Don't let your mind talk your heart out of a chance to be happy. What is your long term goal? Isolated loneliness? You gotta let somebody in man, at some point if you ever want to be happy again, you gotta let somebody in. Now I am not saying introduce yourself and profess your love, I am just sayin take your time, keep your options open, and ALLOW yourself to be loved by another.
In summary, yes, you can spend your life being miserable and alone. But a life shared is twice as rewarding as a life spent alone. Can I promise you that your happiness is around the corner? No, nobody can, and you are going to take some damage sorting through people and finding the right one, but take it easy man, take it slow, say yes to dating slow, and if it isnt right, get out and try again. They key is in trying, and not carrying baggage forward, Remember that ex you just cannot stand? Why let them ruin or even have any effect on your future happiness - be rid of them, and walk free,
Just like alot of you, I am still walking the road too, ever hopeful that someday I will have the True BDSM Dynamic.
~~Another ID rambling~~
